Christina Enright: "How Relationships Wire Children’s Brains" | Talks at Google
Okay. So without further ado can you please give a warm welcome, to today's, speaker, Cristina a nice. Thank. You very much. Can. Everybody hear me okay yeah. Great so. It's such a pleasure to be here and thank. You very much for your warm welcome, I'm. No child and family psychotherapist. As I work, with families, from, various. Backgrounds, with various. Difficulties. But. The. Other thing. That I do is I like. To talk to people about what, the current research says, about, brain development in, children for, babies and children and because. I think this is information that should be available to everybody not. Just psychologists. Therapists. Medical. Professionals, social workers, it's information if we all know it, can make an, enormous difference to. How. We live our lives in our relations with it not just with our children but also with each other with, our partners, with, our friends, with our extended. Family so what, I'm going to talk to you about today extends. Across many, different. Aspects. Of our lives and. I, hope you go away feeling. Informed. But. Also inspired. In. What. You bring to, other, people to, your relationships in your life because, I'm going to be talking about the importance, of those. Relationships, for our. Physical. And our mental health so. We know now from, all the research in, neuroscience. That. A. Child's. Brain development is. Very much dependent, on the. Quality, of the. Social, relationships, that child has in their lives and the. Child's are the foundations. Of the brain are very much built on. Those. Relationships, what they bring to the child and how they manifest. As. Impact. On the brain so I'll be talking about that so the, aim of the presentation, is really to talk to you about the neuroscience, and how, in most availability. And the input, in terms of the relation, the relational, quality, of, the adults around the child have. A powerful, impact on, the, neuro chemistry, the, neurobiology, so, the structural, aspects. Of brain development the. Neurochemical, so, how that the hormones, and chemicals respond. In our, brains and in our bodies and. Overall. How that influences. The structural. Development. Of the brain but also the, social emotional. And cognitive, development. Just. Before I get going all right I just wanted to I'm. Curious, about what, brought many. Of you here today so, would anybody be willing to say if. You had a question in your mind that. You. Brought, with you that, you'd like, to explore. Yeah. Hi. And we, I have two young toddlers at home they're 2 and 3 and. They're. In crash part time and we're we're taking my putting them into crash full-time, and I don't know, if, being. In a crash in these formative years will have any negative impact and it's something that that does. Kind of concern is Marius so so, for me it's Ryan I suppose of we're not available as, parents, okay does. It does that have any kind of impact oh good. Question thank you. You. Have three, young kids and. Just. Obviously. Interested, in the neuroscience. On their, direct development but also just it curious as to. How. The relationship. Between the parents, can impact the. Children, and any of the science, around that that could. Be useful okay, great. So, I'm just going to just to. Hold these questions, there's. A pen here somewhere. So. We have less. Than an hour left. So. I'm just going to. Capture. That as combs together and then. Young. Children in crashes. Just. So because of the limited time we have we. Won't be able to go into any of this in great detail but hopefully, I'll be able to touch. On it for you in. Talking about the. One. Of these that shapes brain development, okay. So, the jury is in now we know that we, need each other people need people that's how we. Develop, in a healthy way. Both. Physically, and emotionally and, I do add in physical, because there's quite, a few studies now across. The world, that. Demonstrated. The importance, of emotional. Health or physical health, so. Relationships. Build brain from Minds we know that we. Know that from. The neuroscience and. The buyer will be researching two biochemistry. That, actually relationships. Come to. Regulate. Our nervous systems, so. They come to, bring. Us into emotional. Balance, if they work well and, that's, because our hormonal. Systems. Sync. With, each other and but this is particularly important for infants. For babies. And. I'll be. Elaborating. On this as I go along but. For babies and, for all of us you. Know the idea of being in sync with each other no, have you heard of that and it is in, terms of being emotionally, in sync it means. How. Neurobiologically. Biochemically. Were in sync with each other that's how our systems, are, connecting. On that level and biochemistry. Is like electricity we can't see it but. We know it exists, right everybody. Convinced, electricity, exists right now and.
So. It's interesting there are all these chemical, processes, going on that affect us with each other but we don't we, don't know it's happening but certainly the research has been able to substantiate. That. And. The. More is so, it's so a little. Proposition. That, I'm throwing, at you today is the, more individualistic, we become. The. More anxious than depressed we become as humans and there's plenty of evidence to demonstrate that, social, isolation. It. Holds. The biggest threat to our mental health and, you. May well know that the greatest form of torture, is, what. Solitary. Confinement and it's used for a reason, because it really. Has such, a detrimental, impact on systemin, beings. Relationships. Heal trouble, brains we also know that from the research into, how therapy, works and actually, across, thousands. Of therapeutic. Approaches, there's very many. Many models, of therapy, what, we know the. Common denominator, in terms of what makes a difference is the, quality of the relationship, between, the practitioner, and the client and actually I would say that goes for any, professional. If you go to your GP. If. Your GP is not particularly relational, it will, be a very different experience and, outcome for you would you agree with that and. There, is a lot of research into the. Relationship, with medical practitioner, and how that can impact and, how whether. We get better and, how quickly we get better so that's all that's really interesting. And. We're, only as resilient, as, humans, as the people were connected, to so we're all both. Vulnerable and, resilient, so. It's not that one person, is resilient, and another isn't but. It, depends. On many factors so, resilience, is actually a social phenomenon, rather. Than just about the grit that, you have as a human being although that comes into and how you develop, your capacity to, be, able to bounce back from stress, and challenge. But. Without other people around us. Actually. We when. We will not be particularly, resilient. And. Something. Very important, which, is, actually, widely known in research and education but, it's not necessarily, murdered, in our educational, systems. As they, function, on the ground is that learning is a social experience, children. Learn from people they like would. You agree with that from your experience in school you. Didn't have a relationship with, the teacher how, well did you do with that subject. Yeah. So, in terms. Of how, we take. On new skills new, information. New, knowledge new awareness those, relationships, are really key and. What. We're seeing now in, terms of people who have, a developmental, health problems, what, makes the difference is not somebody pinning a diagnosis, on them and telling them what's wrong with them but, it's actually, people. Coming together as a group in a community. And thinking. About their strengths, and thinking. About that what, it is that empowers. Them to be able to overcome, the, challenges, that they're facing with. Their mental health, so. The facts from neuroscience, are by babies brains and we've got a little exhibit. Over here in the corner is. That. Babies are born with a hundred, billion neurons. Did. You know that. That's. A lot of neurons right. But. They're not connected that's the thing they're there in the brain, but. They're not connected yet and so. They're waiting, and they need that social experience in. Order. To, connect, and need that interaction. With the adults. Around the, baby the baby needs that in order. For those connections, to get made and by. The age of. Three. What. We're finding from neuroscience, is that by 85, to 90 percent of. A. Baby's brain is connected, so, that's why the first three years are, so, vital. And. That. Babies experience, is. Going to have a big impact on how they, move forward so we're talking about foundation. Foundational. Development, of the brain now it's, important, to know that actually not, all is lost if a baby has a poor, experience. Some. Babies, are born into families where parents are, not available not, able emotionally. To take care of them because they have maybe, drug.
Problems. Alcohol problems, so whatever, depression. Gets in the way and through. No fault of the parent of the Nutri. No fault of their own it. Can make it difficult for, them to connect and for those babies if they do have a poor start the, science shows that actually. Does, those. Connections, can develop later on if. The baby has the, experience, of input. For. That, so. We. Also know from science, that. The. Brain is like muscle, if, we don't use it we lose it and certainly, in early, development our, babies born with far more neurons, than they actually need and. So. If their not being stimulated, the. Babies not having a variety of social, emotional. Cognitive. Experiences. Physical. Experiences. Then those neurons, don't connect up and, actually what the neuroscience, says they actually die away they, they. Wither. And die, if they're, not stimulated. And not used, and. Also. It's. Interesting because, we're I think we're living in a world we have been certainly through there of, the 90s, the the era of kind. Of the frontal brain and thinking. A lot about talking. A lot about cognition, and, rational. Thinking but, actually what the science is saying now it's the social. Influence. The social, experience. That if baby has that, has the greatest impact on. The quality, of brain. Development and. We. Know that the Bakke the brain builds from the base upwards, so, you have your very primitive brain, here at the back, so. Babies not born, with. The higher structures, built, yet but they have the deeper. Emotional. Structures, and within, that we have our primitive. Brain but also our emotional, brain so, we know you, know only too well that babies cry a lot don't. They not. Yours oh wow you're very lucky, you're very lucky not. Every parent will have had that experience and, if. Babies cried, from their primitive brain, because, they're terrified. They've never been here before our actually, that depends what. Do you believe reincarnation. Or not.but and when. I say they. They don't know what to do they need the adults to guide them to give them information to, help them make sense of their experience, in order, to feel safe and secure and. So. Babies. Will, work. From that primitive, brain and cry when things are scary, or they're. Anxious or their. Hearts, are in need of care. And. These, circuits. Which are in the deeper primitive brain in the emotional brain they, are the structures, on which later, brain development gets built and how, those structures are actually nurtured. In the. First three years particularly. Is very important. As. I've gone to talk about. So. That's a little picture of your brain, that's the, one. Side, if. Somebody, took, a chainsaw and cut your head, in half I hope that never happens to anybody in this audience and, that's, what you'll see and. Here. You've got these deeper structures, sighs they're coming up very well. So here you've got the deeper structures the primitive, brain and that bit that goes across here and down here is the emotional brain the limbic brain. Is cold and in, that you've got this structure. Called the amygdala, which is the alarm system, and if. You're frightened, or if, you're, anxious. Or, if, you're angry, and, some. Positive emotions, are connected to the amygdala as well but very much connected with fear and anxiety and. Threatened. The experiences. That where you perceive a threat you're a middle, will go off your. Alarm, right, alarm in your house so far alarm or your burglar alarm if something, feels threatening the alarm will go off and that, will put you into you, know this I'm sure, fight. Flight or freeze yeah, and that propels. You to, react in order, to survive and protect yourself, that's.
How We take. Care of take. Care of ourselves as humans and that's how we survive, so. A baby doesn't actually have the higher brain. So. The part across the top and at the front here is called. The, prefrontal cortex well, the whole the whole structure is called the cortex but this here, is particularly, important, it's the prefrontal. Cortex and that's the part of the brain that's you, used to think. Reflect. What. Else might you use it for you. Think planning, grapes anything, else. Learning. Yes processing, information, yeah. Sorry. Predict. Brilliant, yes so to predict, things to be able to analyze information and then make predictions to draw conclusions, yeah. So. We've got, problem-solving. In there as, well, impulse. Control. Emotional. Regulation so, we need this part of our brain to help to regulate our emotions so, you can see how important, it is that the frontal, lobe. Is. Connected. To the. Amygdala. Particularly, the limbic, part of the brain because, those two parts of the brain need to work in tandem, well. For, us to be able to manage ourselves particularly, around our more primitive, emotions. Of impulse. Desiring. Something in a moment and you. Know if, we make a rash decision that's, it I'm gonna have it that. Might that'll, be the primitive, brain making. The decision rather than you thinking actually is this the right thing for me right now or is this a good thing to do is it an, honorable thing to do or whatever so that helps us to make moral, choices as, well okay. So. That's, just to give you a picture of. The. Growth the development, of neuronal connections. From. A newborn to. Adulthood. That's, this is the adult one here this is covered so, you can see the the, rapid, development. Of, connections. That, happen and this is a healthy, development where a baby is interacted. With and stimulated, you, see how those neural, connections, get made and how they become abundant, because, the, more stimulation, now. I have, to qualify this because, we we, can I don't, want any of you go home and suddenly going, to the library and getting 20 books and doing, that, sort of what you call a flash thing with your child where you're showing them lots of flashcards it, doesn't work like that the, stimulation, me, as I'll explain in a minute needs, to be attuned, to, the baby and that's the problem about going in with. Let's. Give them more stimulation. And then they'll get, triple. A's in there leaving, start when they're done it doesn't work like that so the stimulation, is important, but how the stimulation, comes in is really crucial, because what, we could do is we can overwhelm the baby's brain with. Stimulation, and they, could feel too, much and. I'll talk about that in a minute. So. Let's. Have a look at this video, are. Some of it just aware of time is going very quickly there's, lots of things I want to show you. So. This. Is to show you the importance. Of, social. Connection, for a baby. So. The baby speaking, for themselves and it shows you what happens if that social connection gets taken away so it's an experiment, that was created, by psychologists, about 35, years ago to, try and get into the, experience. Of the baby rather than trying to do lots of you. Know crunching, lots of numbers really, very, much a social-emotional. Qualitative. Type of research. So. Any. Thoughts about that. Oh. Yeah. I think I'm using the your, tablets, and I like myself and they're, saying now that kids, are trying to best to get your attention and you're stalking us yeah so I think that's, what it made me think of so made you think about that yeah, great, so we can get preoccupied. As adults right and. The. Reason I'm here is because people. Need to know this information and once you have information you can be, more aware right. I don't blame, parents, for getting it wrong but. I think. Good. I'm in parents, of my sons well growing up now but if I had this information. 33. Years ago I think. Life would be a lot easier for him now, but, we. Learn and we can only when I say to the paints our work with we, can only, work. With the information we have at any moment. In time our parents. Some of us are older, we're told I mean, my mom, was told to push this down the end of the field and leave us in the fresh air because it would make our love stronger so. When we were crying nobody. Heard us and nobody came I've. Been in therapy since. So. So. But parents, people, might. Not be aware and might be distracted. And work, can. Be very demanding it's, also some reasons why parents can get taken. Away from their, babies in their children, so. Here's. Here's the mr., science yeah, anybody, else want to comment on that I. Mean. Apart from the parents. Kind, of. Shutting. Down in terms of reaction what's.
The Difference between boys by the way I'm like for example in the mornings we're getting ready it's a madhouse and what, we actually do quite regularly is okay you know there's an iPad whatever, cartoon. Of the flavor, of the month is our moment and the, two of them two and a half year old and a one-year-old will will shut up and watch the screen and they'll be happy while we you know get dressed and get out the door them is there, is that different is that is that's like because it's not an actual human interaction as that as as, as. Ugly, a thing so. It's, a bad thing frequency. Of being, in contact out of contact, that's the issue so it's not whether you do I mean you know let's face it as parents you have to find strategies to manage. You. Know your busy day the demands you've got to get out to work that's the reality, and. So if. You if you use a, video, you, know in a moment to help you, know keep. The children from, you, know running, out the front door or or climbing, the walls or whatever that's. That's different, from actually, children who are on screens, incessantly. Or parents who are on screens incessantly, I go on to talk about what it is about the sort of interaction, that's okay so. Apparently. Just needs to be good enough, is there. A sigh of relief in, the room. Doesn't. Have to be perfect, and in fact as I'll talk of a perfect parenting, so-called there's no such thing but parents. Who want to be perfect it can be detrimental to, their children so, you. Know. Think. About what I'm saying and then you know balance, that I'd have a discussion and think you know is this if. It's okay it probably is if it's only in a moment to get the job done yeah. Okay. So, you some, of you might be surprised, by that baby's response, you know I don't traditionally. Have assumed that babies, were born with, what's known, as a kind, of blank slate as a blank slate tabula rasa and you. Know like a computer that just arrives, at, your home, that's. Not been. What. You call it here. Programs. So. That's. The idea you know I I'm, not very computer, literate I, have to admit, and, technology. Terrifies, me most the time but actually it's, very much the, previous. Thinking was very much like that the baby arrives like the laptop, that, comes, in the post and I turn it on expect it just to work not. Realizing, it has to be programmed so we know now that babies, are actually born with innate capacities. For. Interacting. And connecting, which. Have, a profound, effect on, their. Development and how that's responded, to and just in case you. Think this is just a female phenomenon, I want to show you this a bit, of this video. Because. You. Know traditionally. Women have been seen as their as the important. Caregivers. For. Babies and young, children but. Actually dads are just. As important, it's about the relationship. It's not about your your, gender. It's. A better quality of the relationship, you bring to this child. So. What. Art what is it that parents do that. Brit, builds that baby's brain and we, know from the research there are five main things, so. Five. Building. Blocks of the brain are a formula. If you like. A different, type of formula, apart, from their feeding, formula feeding, the brain in. This case so, the parent, responds so a baby in a child will, initiate, when. They want, connection.
So Maybe connection. Just to play and have some fun, it may be connection. For, stimulation, because they're bored or, it may be connection. Because. They want to be calmed, down and soothes it and helped. With their feelings because they can't do. It for themselves and, so, in, order for a parent to respond appropriately what's. Very important, is that the parent is able to read the, cues of the, baby or the child oh I. Wonder if she's crying because she's, needs a nappy change or, maybe. She's hungry, maybe, she's bored or maybe she's very frightened because there was just a loud noise, went. Off next to her and that's. Really really key and that asks. For your, intuitive. Judgment. So. Your, brain connecting, with your body to, help you to, achieve and. Empathize. With what, it is that the baby is needing, and actually. For new parents that can take time right when. You have first time a baby it's like oh my god what do I do with this. From. All, parents, but, you get into the babies with them you get to know your baby your baby gets to know you and, you. Actually learn. Add. The. Baby's temperament, which is very important because no two babies, are the same and. That's very important, if any, of you have gone, to you know if you go onto the internet or, use parenting, books because, sometimes, the blogs and the books will, actually present. Stock. Responses. For, all babies. Control. Crying is one of them when. The child is older timeout but. Actually if, our, babies no children are individual. They will need an individual, response, which, is comes. From the moment, from you perceiving. What it is that they actually, need, from, you. So. We need to notice. The. Babies needs and, read. Those, cues, and then, respond approval as a little, tuned way as possible, it doesn't again it's enough to be perfect and then, the second, element. Of. What. A parent does is, to, use. Contacts, so for, young babies we pick them up and with cuddle, them and we hold them a lot and, we know from research by the age of about six. To nine months, babies start, to. Need. Less and less. Picking. Up and holding but they still need contact, and, it's need us to. To. Give them cuddles, to comfort, them when they're distressed, and but. As a child develops, that, that need for. Consumer. Holding, reduces. And. And. That, physical, contact that, touch is absolutely, vital for. The brain and the body to develop to wire, up but also for those feel-good. Hormones, to come in so we've got oxytocin. Dopamine. Serotonin. Dopamine. Is, a very important, hormone, for learning and for, focus. And attention and. Oxytocin. I, don't know if you know but it's labeled, a love hormone, so. We, stimulate. We. Secrete, oxytocin. When we come in to any loving, or, intimate. Contact with another person so it could be a lovely experience with a friend it doesn't have to be a, romantic, partner but, parents, and children stimulate, the production of oxytocin in each other when they interact in joyful. Interactive. Experiences. The. Other important, thing about the touches actually helps us to, learn. To. Feel. Ourselves in our bodies and that kind of might seem a bit of a strange thing to say but. Really, feeling. Embodied, being. Grounded, in your own body and connected. To all of your organs, because, a lot of our emotions. That. Our, ability to perceive our emotions, comes from our viscera they come to Vegas narrow passes right down from the brain into. Our vital. Organs lungs throat. Kidneys. Stomach, and in. Order, for us to be able to know how we feel and to, be able to then. Communicate. That we, need to be able to perceive those emotions, and if we could offer my buddies were unable to do that, so.
The Third element, of. What. A parent. Does to, build a baby's brain is actually how they manage their own emotions. So. A. Parent, being able to regulate, themselves. Ourselves. From where effect, distressed, angry, that. Before we respond, to our baby we check, how am I feeling oh I'm, feeling really angry maybe now's not the time for me to, deal with this or maybe I'll get my partner to deal with it and so it's, I've just gone to this slide to show you it's the idea. Of securing. Your own oxygen mask before. You secure others you know you're on an aeroplane and they say put. Your own oxygen mask on before you put on your child's, and. I've always thought that sounds. Counterintuitive but when you think about it actually, you. Can't save. Somebody else unless you're actually protected. Yourself so. Similarly, with your own emotions, you can't regulate. A. Baby, or a chart young child unless you're regulated. Because, remember what I said about the neurochemicals, how they get. Triggered. How'd they get stimulated, between. Us between our brains our two, brains interacting, with each other and our bodies - if we're. Angry are we're very anxious then. The baby or the child's. Neurobiological. System. Will pick that up and those, corresponding. Emotions, will be triggered, in them so. Really paying attention to our own arousal, levels. And. Trying. To calm ourselves down, in. Order, to be able to come them, down is very, important, and actually what's really key to know is that babies, actually learn. To. Regulate. Their. Not, just their emotions, but their whole rhythm. Circadian, rhythms, through. The. Physical, holding, from the parent I mean I mean all of these five things actually but particularly, the physical, holding, so, when it baby cries. That. Will trigger some, discomfort, in naturally. As parent, because that's Nature's. Way of making sure that you don't, sit and, continue watching Game of Thrones on, TV that you actually respond, to the baby otherwise. You might not so. We're made uncomfortable. Which propels, us into responding, and. Then. What, happens is, as we hold. The baby and we start to calm the baby and soothe the baby, our. Arousal. Level comes down and. What. The baby finds, out ah that's. How you calm, down is it that's very interesting obviously. Not, because babies don't have cognition, yet but, the baby system, learns, it's, a training, procedure. This, is how you calm down watch mommy watch daddy as, mama. Your daddy calm, down the baby system gets that information and, over. And over and over, through. Time the. Baby's system a, baby's, arousal. System you're a biological, system brain. Body, is able to do that for themselves when they get a, distressed. Anxious, upset does that make sense so, we, don't. We. Don't we're not born with a capacity, to emotionally, regulate we have to learn it and we. Learn it as babies, and young children from, the adults around, us. Regulating. Themselves and, then, showing us how it's done, you. Can imagine if a parent you, know a new pet, or parents get angry, and get frustrated and, get anxious that's quite natural but, as long as it's not continuous, and, all the time then that's not going to have, a detrimental. Effect, on the child but. You, can imagine being around somebody who's very angry. All the time what. Does that do to you how, does that make your system, fail or not just talking about your thoughts, but. Also, your. Whole. Being, what does that feel like. Would. You imagine and then you. Might feel threatened, and under it's under, attack, there's. A put you one kind of defense in a defensive, mode because, it's what's happening is those stress hormones are. Cascading. Around your body because, they've been triggered by the other person's, level of emotions. And that's. Why it's so important, that we're really thinking, about our own regulation. As. We're looking after our. Babies. And our children, and, of course each other because. Similarly. You will have a similar. Experience. With a partner, or friends. If, they're. Constantly, dysregulated. Then. You're. Going to pick that up and you're going to feel that and. Then. The, fourth component of. What. Pens do is, play. Now. Playing. We all know it's a good idea to play with child right, but, here we're not just talking about you, know playing together playing a ball game together or. Reading. Them a story or. Playing. A board game we're. Talking, about right, from the very beginning, with. An infant, the. Face-to-face, interaction. That happens between, parent.
And Child and, how. That. Has. A huge impact on how the brain connects. Up so. When. You see a baby and you go to interact, with a baby what do you find yourself doing, have you noticed. If. Some, of you might not have been around a baby recently but what do you notice yourself doing this you lean in what. Else do you do you. Smile. You. Make well. They. Don't think they're silly I don't, think they're silly but, we start to make these noises these, sounds. What are the fans like. Does. Anybody want to do a demonstration. So. You've raised, the, pitch of your voice very, important, what else do you do. Because. You, become more expressive, your face you, saw that mom would you be engaged she, was very, animated. So. You and you look excited, interested. And excited, very. Important. You, start into nature words you. Elongate, them. And. You, do a rhythmical, voice Oh lovely. Do you hurt you so good, how, are you today, has. Anybody talked, to the partner, like that. Believe. Me I had some people living in my house once and they did and it was really, irritating. But. Mostly. I don't stop but we find ourselves with an innate strive, to do that with babies, isn't that interesting, because, it's called, infant. Directed, speech in in, science but, we talk, about parent. Ease our baby. Talk but it's, so important, because it's the building, blocks of social. Interaction. Babies, learn one. How to make eye contact. They. Learn how to turn take so. I have, a goal you, have a go my. Turn your turn what. What, is that important, for. Having. Conversations. With people's social, conversations. Do, you know people who don't try and take very well yeah. Um. So. That is very important because it helps us to collect the timing. All of that needs, very precise, judgment, and babies learned that from their parents, doing, that face-to-face they, also learn, about. How. To read, other people's, emotions. So. If, I'm looking at you and you look sad. And. So. If you're a baby I might say. And. What I do as, a parent as an adult if I'm emotionally. A tuned and I'm empathic, I'll, display. That emotion. On my face and then we'll get reflected back to you and, what I'd be saying to you is I get, it I get it you're really sad the, baby feels, great, when that happens as opposed. To oh you look really happy the, baby's like no, I'm not but. They can't tell us that but they might cry because, we didn't get them that's. Called miss attunement. So. When we do that oh you look, so sad we're giving them the, information about. That emotion, this, is what sad looks like you're. Sad I'm resonating. With the emotion that's the empathy, and, I teach my child how to. Understand. Their own emotions, how to read other people's emotions and how. To develop. The vocabulary, sad, so now I have a word preset because, my mummy or my dad tells me what sad is oh if. You're not coming with the feed quickly, enough and the baby's crying angrily, and.
My Face oh you're really angry at mommy aren't you or daddy but, you're not angry when you're saying that but, you're helping the baby to understand, what, that emotion, is all. Of. That and much more comes. From, those, face-to-face interactions. Which, are so key. And. Then. We have talk which. Is the. Conversation, the words the language and, you, can see how these are all interlinked you know we do all of these in the blink of an eye we don't break them down and say right now I'm going to talk to you, we. Actually do, everything, we we, look we go aren't you so beautiful, we. Start. To use the language and, we use the infant. Directed speech because that is what gives the baby the. Basis, of language its core they're called proto conversations. It's where we're having this conversation you. Make a sound I echo back the sound to you like you. Might say gag gagg as babies, often say not, yet but it's coming and, and. So. I what. To do, is they reflect back the sound the mirrored sound back to the baby gag ogre and that, is the building blocks of language. Teachers. A baby, about. The, social, particularly, the social aspects, of language but there's so much more in there with the play in the top because it says you're, really, important, you're valuable, human being you. Are, deserving. Of my time and attention and my focus and I'm really interested in you so the excitement is a really, key part of this the, animation. Because I'm saying to my baby I'm. So interested, in you and I really love interacting, with you you, feel that and that affects your physiology it, affects. The babies for the art physiology, and you mirror each other and that is a perfect. Storm. For a communication, this works well, is. There any sites around the. Affect that younger siblings, get. Because I my. Third child definitely got way, less at, my first or even second, child because you're so busy yeah. Dealing with the ugly older ones yeah. And I was 9 of 12. So. I know what you're talking about and. Yeah. I guess it's difficult, when you're the more children you have the more your. Demands. Are on your resources your intention, your focus your time your. You. Know your capacity or energy, that's, the hard thing about being parent isn't it and having a number of children and I, don't know specifically, about research, in, relation there's, lots of research on sibling. On. Birth. Order, and. You, know there are differences, in relation. To that and but. You, know what I want you to go away with is knowing, this but also knowing that um. Children. Just need enough you. Know we need to be just good enough as parents, and one. Of the problems currently it's. Called helicopter, parenting. Where, parents are so hyper anxious, about. Being good, enough they're. Actually, hampering, their child's development, so. You, know this. Is why the first three years are so key because you're building, the foundations, of, a. House of creating. The structural. Foundations. Which then house gets built on strong. Foundations, and then, you'll have a strong house so.
As Children. We, know from the research that children. Need. A certain amount of our babies even need a certain amount of challenge, to. Be able to learn to be resilient, so. When mum stopped. Talking to this baby and. The. Baby got upset, that, wasn't, damaging, for, that baby it. Would have been if mom hadn't come back. What. Happened, was the. Baby started, to use their resources did you see what was going on with the baby, what, would they what was she doing. She's. Trying to get mum back so she was raising her hands they played a game so in her memory systems does this game. This worked, before this helped us connect, she. Points, she does number, of things and then she does, something called amplification. She starts to increase the intensity, of her communication, her, voice and her body language because, if you're not getting it the child you know this any of you have young children they. Will up, the ante, and, that's, because it's so terrifying, to be disconnected, from your parent and you're afraid as a small child you don't have the the. Mechanisms. To be able to think actually daddy's. Gone but he's coming back I mean that takes some. Time to develop that on that security and that understanding or, daddy's, gonna never going to talk to me again theories. Of abandonment, and of losing parents love so. Important. To note that resilience. Is built from a, certain. Amount of challenge so what films resilience, for this child is that, she is, tries. These different things get mom back and then, mum responds. And that. Helps, her to feel. Masterful. It. Helps, her to feel I can have an effect on somebody else see. If I can do and my mummys not paying attention to me I can, get mum back so what's important, is that it, becomes predictable. That. The parent has read the baby signals of the child signals, and. Accurately. And emotionally. Attuned oh I'm sorry, I was there some Murphy my head was somewhere else I'm sorry I wasn't listening to you what did you want to tell me it's not what we do as parents and so. It's not coming back in and really, acknowledging. A child's. Efforts. All you really wanted to get my attention that, helps. The child to feel yeah. I could get my mummy back on my daddy back I can make things happen. So. What's. Important, is the repair, is the reconnection.
Between. Parent and child so. You, know if you lose the connection. Temporarily. That's. Okay it just, needs to be repaired if you shout at your child which you will do because you're human, yeah. Right, then. I'm, sorry. I shouted at you mummys. You. Know having a bad day today and I shouldn't have shouted I'm sorry for doing that that's. What builds resilience. Not, the fact that you. Never shelter your child but. That you've shouted, and you repaired. So. We're just about to finish. But, that that what, we're saying here and Iran about the stimulation. Assimilation. Need needs to be in tune so as you're, interacting, with your baby its area of child is reading their body language so, if we're bombarding, them with flashcards. Because we want them to do better in English at, Leaving Cert and there are kind of cringing, and trying to pull away that's. The communication that. They're overwhelmed. It's too much it's too difficult so, constantly. Reading that body, language and the cues that are given off so, that we can actually work. Out how, much to. Engage how, often, for, how long, is. The, most helpful thing and as. I, said what's really, empowering. For a baby this small child is that they know they have an impact on you if they try to connect. With you and you respond, that's, very empowering if they lose you and you come back that's, very empowering and that is. What builds resilience. So. Dan Siegel who's an American psychologist. Psychotherapist, says, we, now know that the way to help a child develop optimally, is to help her create connections, in her brain her. Whole brain, back. To Vout skills that, lead to better relationships. Better mental, health and more, meaningful. Lives you could call brain sculpting, or brain, building, whatever phrase you prefer, the point is crucial and thrilling as a result of the words we use than the emotions we take children's. Brains will actually. Change and be built as they undergo. New experiences, and that leaves, a positive, note that the brain is plastic for. Life, very. Important for somebody of my age to know that but. We have a pure, result, growth, and proliferation and, as a real, reorganization. Between 11. And 24, but. The brain can. Change, change. The experience, of the outside world and the brain will change, change. The, way we interact with children and their brains will, change thank. You all very much for listening. You. You.