2017 - My Toughest Year On Youtube
20:17. What. A weird year but. It completely. All, over the place mixed bag of a year a youth it felt like it went on forever for. Me personally, not. The best year I'm just gonna go out and say it it's probably the worst year I've had on youtube since I've started making videos and, I'm, not saying that to exaggerate I'm not saying that to over blow it or anything like that it. Has been such. An emotional roller coaster of a year for, me personally if you had a great year I am more than happy for you I'm so glad that you had a good year and I hope 2018, is an even better year for you but, me personally I can't, end this, year without, shaking, some really weird feelings, without shaking, some really weird mentalities. And demons that are stuck inside my head so they just kind of need to get out there and leave. Them in 2017, and move on into 2018. But, let's. Let's go back through. The year and let's go over some of the good things that happened the first big thing that really happened this year for me was that I moved I'm, in a completely, brand new place I'm in my own house I was, able to move across. Across. The water it wasn't that far but, I still managed to move my entire life. From, one country to another country and that. Is so, huge for me the only other person in my life personally and closely, who had ever done that previously. It was my brother my oldest brother Malcolm who I loved, dearly and who was giving me so much great advice over this past year and it's just Oh since, I started YouTube he's been so encouraging but he. Was you know the person I knew who kind of did that and who and you on a personal, level who did that and it, seemed like the scariest thing ever to, do but I finally did it myself this year I I always wanted to move I wanted to go to a different place I did I didn't feel like I was gonna stay in Ireland forever and moving, was a really big deal for me so that's that's. Such a huge positive, part of my life in this, year another really great fantastic, thing that happened to me this year was, that I was asked to co-host the, d23, Disney. Thing, that was going on convention. Exhibition. They, did, a gaming. Site of stuff that they they do every year but this year was a pretty big one because we, got to show off the new spider-man, game we got to show off the new Star Wars Battlefront game, we all know that went afterwards but, and then we also got to show off Kingdom Hearts 3 which was a really.
Big Deal and it, was something that I was so excited to do and so excited to challenge, myself with because I've done some hosting gigs here and there but this is a really big one and there. Was a lot of pressure involved but it was such a nice challenge to, be able to get my teeth into and just sit. There until 2:00 a.m. in the morning, talking. To these people back and forth and how we could craft the show into a cool, thing and just giving in my own thoughts and receiving. Their feedback and everything it was a really cool experience and I'm really grateful, that I got to do it and I really want to do more stuff like that going forward, and. The fact that we got to like Kingdom Hearts 3 was by far the biggest thing going on me personally spider-man, was the biggest thing I love Kingdom Hearts as well but a new spider-man game made. By insomniac, is a really big deal so, getting, to do that was a really cool experience it was really good practice it was really good knowledge I'm just I'm so. Grateful for that opportunity I also got to go on tour twice, I got to go on my own personal tour for, like three shows just to test out and see how it's going and going into 2018, we're gonna rock, that baby hard and we're gonna really go full force at that and tour it around all over the place so keep an eye out for that but, getting to do that was a really cool experience because I again I was so outside my comfort zone I had, never done anything that I had like written material, for that we've worked on and had a structure, to and a theme to and all these different types of things there's a lot of pressure to just get up on stage on my own and carry, a whole show for. An hour and a half and it. Was obviously, a lot, easier to do because all of you guys were there some of you guys were there and, just. Knowing that you guys were out in the audience and you were there to see the jacksepticeye, show really. Eased my nerves but. I was still very scared to do it and I'm so glad that I did and I it's, again it's another challenge that I overcame, this year and I'm very glad I did and I it was such, good practice, because also right, after that I got, to go on the ready player three tour with the game grumps all around Europe and, very. Rarely do you ever get to tour Europe in general just as a facet. Of life but. Here I was doing it because I played video games in my bedroom one time and it, ballooned into this huge thing that I'm here now talking to this gigantic, community, of people and it. Just blew my mind I think it was when we got to Norway I was kind of just walking around the fort and we. Visited, a fort by the way I was. Just walking around I turned to the people I was like no weird that, we all just loved video games and we started making videos on them and, all of a sudden now we're touring you were up and we're here in Norway like I never thought I'd ever got to go to a place like Norway, ever and it. Was just such a surreal experience and, I'm so thankful to. Be. Able to do my own tour but to be able to do that tour with those guys as well I have. Grown so much because, of that I have gained so much knowledge and, so much experience going through those events that, I will likely never ever forget and I'm gonna be able to utilize them going, forward into the tour's next year and they.
Were Just such a cool experience to be able to do I'd be able to meet all you guys and be able to be part of something that, would meant so much to so many people. Blew. Me away and the last really cool thing that we got to do this year was, the charity stream that we did a couple of weeks back there, the, jacksepticeye. Holiday, special, I think, it was that the full title of it I think so we, did the charity stream for Save the Children and that was an uproarious. Success. That. Went so goddamn, well and I'm so pleased with that I'm so proud of it and so thankful for everyone who was involved in that I made a vlog talking about this already but I'm so thankful for everybody who was involved in that I'm so thankful for my friends who came out to be part of it and I'm just so proud that this thing that I had an idea for came, to fruition and, it went so so, well I I really, wanted this to do well and it blew away my expectations you guys were phenomenal thank you for, being a parent of that and for being part of such a memorable, thing and literally. Changing, so many children's, lives and going, forward I want to do more stuff like that as well but that. Really was a great rounding. Off to what was already some. Really cool experiences, that I had this year but, this. Has been the most trying. Year. That I've ever gone through. Why. The. Most trying year that I've ever gone through mental. Health wise there's, so. Many things that happen. This year and so many stuff so much stuff that goes on behind, the scenes and so much stuff that you don't get to see or I can't talk about or I wish, I could talk about but. For certain reasons here and there it's just it either won't go down well or it won't sound good or I, don't, know lots. Of different things that go on that just. Have really worn me down this year and I. Didn't even realize, that it was such a bad thing until. Recently. We're over, Christmas I decided. I was going to take some time off for Christmas I wanted to take time off for Christmas anyway just, because I don't, know it's Christmas time it's it's a time for just relax. Rest. And relaxation is, what I'm trying to say and I wanted to just take some time off for me and it was the first time that I'd been properly, alone, for. A really really long time and when it was by choice a lot of people said that it was really sad that I was home alone and that, I had nobody at Christmas, but I could have gone back to see some of my family I could have gone with her to see her family and everything but, I think I needed, some me time because. As I said so much went on this year that I feel I felt like that I needed to just sit. And think, I needed to be alone with my thoughts for, a little while and then planned on being, like a two-day thing I planned on just not, uploading, videos on either 24th, and 25th or the 25th and the 26th, and then. It. Wasn't until I actually got into taking some time off that, I realized, how much I really needed it that. I took some time off earlier, in the year to go on tour but, that wasn't really a break it was. Just it. Was still doing work. To a certain degree because you were still out performing, for people you were still out meeting a bunch of people and I didn't really get some time alone, to, myself and I, value. My a long time I hugely value being able to just sit and reflect. On my own thoughts and work some stuff out in my head when I was here alone and I, wasn't making videos I as. I. Said I didn't realize, how much I needed that until it actually happened, because. So. Much stuff had been going on this year and I don't think I realized how much it was wearing me down, until. I sat and, thought about until I just had nothing else to do to distract myself with because. Anyone. Who knows me knows that I'm a workaholic knows that I pour, my absolute, being. Into. The stuff that I do into, the YouTube, videos that I make and sure, a lot, of people would argue well they're just Let's Plays but you don't read how much effort. It takes to be able to do this twice a day every single day at the exact same time every, day to keep up that sort of schedule.
Because. While, you might love doing it and I do I love it dearly I absolutely, adore, doing, what I do it. Does take a toll on you after a while it's. Some, sort of mental exhaustion, some sort of. With. So many people talking to you all the time with so many people pulling out of you all the time in so many different directions and, if. Whenever. I'm making my videos they. Go up and then you guys obviously. Get to watch them and that's such a cool experience to be able to see the feedback from you guys immediately. Some of the best parts of doing YouTube, but. When the videos remain and when I stop recording them like, my day just an end there well. I afterwards. Any. Stuff that I'm trying to do with like Disney or make or any projects, that I'm doing with people in America that's when they wake up is, when I finish making my videos so then all it, is it still work hours like after, that that, you have to talk to people and you have to get into meetings you have to get into calls and you have to organize, all this stuff and go through emails and everything and. Believe. Me I know that these are the most first world problems, that a person can have. There, they're very good, problems to have in a way but. At the same time with so much of it going on all, the, time it. Did wear me down and, because each day whenever I woke up when. I had nothing else to do when I wasn't making videos or, when I because, normally when I wake up I just go straight into my work I go straight into making thumbnails or making videos or something but because I didn't. Have any of that to do my mind my mind just started racing and started, wandering and started doing all these different things that for. The first time I think ever it. Started, to scare me because. I. I. Started. To peruse over, all the things that had happened since, I started making. YouTube videos and, all the stuff that I have either, neglected. Or that I've turned down or that I feel like some. Opportunities, have passed and, that. I can't, do them again or. It's. Hard to put into words it. Was, hard to just get my head around it at all but, all this stuff just started to i sat, there and i was like wait what the fuck is going on why, am I thinking this way what's, what's happening and I. Got. Very very emotional for the first few days and I, kind of just sat in a slump and I, got to a point where I started to the thing I'm like man I'm like do I actually have, depression. At this point am I actually that, upset, am i dad lost. Am i that confused, about what's going on and. As. I said because I didn't have videos. Or anything to run away to and I didn't want to either because. It felt like something that I actually had to confront for the first time and throughout, the year I had kind of felt it I kind of felt like some. Of the stuff I was making, I, don't. Know I felt like I could have been trying a lot, more I felt. Like my. Mental health was just deteriorating. Over the year and, and. It's also because I always, try and say so positive, about everything I tried to stay so, upbeat I tried to say so I. Tried. To see the good in everything, and I tried to see the silver lining and all these things that are happening and, I. Don't. Know I think I was just putting too much pressure on myself to kind. Of do that and I. Wasn't giving myself any. Time to think or to breathe or to just, absorb. And, reflect on, what was going on and over like the course of the year I felt like it was getting worse and worse and then, I think when I actually took the time off and I didn't have anywhere else to run to because.
Normally I wake up and I do my videos immediately, and I just, get straight into work and I work all day. When. That didn't happen I started, to just feel so lost and my brain started to go into overdrive and started to think about all these different things and, that's the first time that that's ever happened to me normally. I know exactly where I am I know what's going on I know where to go I know what to work, towards, but, this time it's it was the first time it, actually started, to scare me because. I. Started. To doubt my own self-worth. I started, to doubt so many different things that were going on with me I started. To go, over situations that had happened during the year and started. Making, them all my own fault in, my head and how. To fix them and. Different. Things it was it was weird and I started to worry then that, I wasn't the same person anymore. This. Is stupid. Because. I've always tried to be upbeat, and positive and. Started, and tried to look at the best in absolutely, everything and try, to give. Off that energy to you guys and pass on that sort of positivity, and I, felt like this year I wasn't, trying my hardest to do that because. Different, things inside my head started to get me down. That's. Where this comes in that's, where let's make 2018. Amazing. Comes in because. I, am. So, fucking done feeling like that I'm so done, questioning. Myself I'm so done worrying, about so many different things because. All these things that I've turned down and all these things that I've not. Pursued, to the best of my abilities or I've kind of held myself back on I've. Just either, been worried about how people take it or I'm worried that I just don't deserve half the stuff that has come my way or all. This stupid. Nonsense. That. Doesn't really matter, at the end of the day that. In ten years time I'll, probably regret not doing them so, going. Forward into 2018. I am ready to kick the absolute, shit out, of this year I am. Ready taking. This like, time off has, completely, reinvigorated me, it's completely given. Me some. Sort of motivation and drive I think not having to do something for a little while has kind of, sparked. Some sort of passion back into me and, trying. To get over this stuff and I'm not of course I'm not fully over it you don't just get over stuff, like that and I'm definitely gonna seek some, sort of help for that stuff next year to try and get. My brain in some sort of working order but I felt, like it was such a good thing to take that time off now. Getting. Ready to go into next year because I feel like my brain is in a good place to, actually start working fully. Properly, and in a much more productive, and positive way again when so as I said at the start of this video so many great things happen to me this year and I, need to focus on those I need to going, into next year I really need to just focus on the good things that are happening make even greater things, happen not just for myself but for this channel and for this community I'm.
So. Motivated, to work so hard the hardest I am, I have, ever been willing to work doing. YouTube because this year has been such a wake-up, call, not. Not only like. For my complacency, with everything but, also just I feel, like I can do so much better going, forward and I will and YouTube this year just in general, has. Been a very weird place to be part of it's very dismal. It's varied hours it's a very sour atmosphere, going around in the platform now because of all the ad pocalypse, and D monetization, stuff and everything that's happening I'm, not going to get into that wholly, but. Everyone's, kind of just down and I kind of saps your creative, energy and everyone's just feeling the brunt of it at this point and. If. If you do YouTube and you do it long enough when you do it so regularly, it's it's very hard not to attach your own self-worth, to your channel because. At, least me personally, you put so much of yourself into what you do I put so much of my own personality, into the videos I make and then if YouTube turns around and it hammers, down in this video that. You've worked so hard on you've put so much energy into it it, is hard not to separate that and not to let it hit yourself personally. But. You can't let yourself feel that way because some of this stuff is just out of your control sometimes, these things happen and sometimes yeah so, it's not going to go the way you wanted to but, that's no reason to not still try your best there's. Still so many people out there who depend on you depend, on you and look up to you that, trying your best it's. Still gonna affect them greatly so, I, try, to remind myself all the time of you guys out there who watch this content, who watch this channel what's YouTube in general that. All. The stuff that's going on behind the scenes that it. Doesn't really affect you, all that much it, affects the youtubers, you're watching, but. At the end of the day I still want to try my best to make. You, proud and to make good content, for you and if, stuff like that does happen I'm gonna deal with it and we. Can talk about it when it does happen but, again, I'm not gonna let it stop me from trying my best going forward and I'm. Oh goddamn. Ready I'm so, pumped for, this year I have so many things in the works I keep saying that but I'm like, everything's, kind of in place now and we're ready to start getting moving on it the tour is one thing I have some other projects. That fucking. Really wish I could talk about but, I don't want to jinx them and I don't want to ruin, them either so I'm gonna I'm they're they're going to happen when they happen and I'm. Trying to make them the best that they possibly can, be and I think you guys are gonna be really impressed with them and you're really gonna like them as well but. My god I am going to give this, I'm, gonna give the. Fucking energy, of the Sun back, into the world this year I'm gonna, be such, a beacon, of positivity for, everybody out there involved. I'm gonna, try and motivate myself, motivate. You we're all gonna, make this a fantastic, year you out there as well all of us together are. Gonna make this such a good year this, is our year, this year is gonna be my fucking bitch I'm, gonna kick the shit out of everything that's happening this year and the most positive and most glorious, way possible, I'm gonna move forward into this year, leave all that sour garbage.
Behind Me and just make, this a fantastic year, for myself, and for everybody out there who is joining me on this journey as well who is part of this wonderful. Fantastic, community who has given me so much over, the years and I'm trying my best every, day to, give back and this. Year I'm sorry if I let you down in that regard I am, going to try so much harder next year so I got four pillars moving forward four, pillars that you need to remember going forward into 2018. We're going to focus on the good we're. Going to keep that that, mentality going that, the littlest good thing that happens to us we're gonna focus on that and let that be the spark inside us for this year we're going to keep our PMA we're, going to keep our positive, mental attitude going, forward this year sure, some stuff might get us down and it's okay to feel down you don't have to be a hundred percent happy all the time nobody, is nobody's, perfect. You're allowed feel sad but, just remember that, let's. Keep focusing on the good after, that that after we get sad that there is still some light left in the world that we can work towards also, self-care. That's. Something I've been neglecting from myself for so, so long and as. Evidence. From this vlog and this year and the break I just took it's, so, incredibly, important, you need to take care of yourself not. Only physically. Through, exercise. And eating well or any of that stuff but also in here this. Is probably, the most important, thing that you have which. Is your own mental, health and if, that starts to deteriorate everything. Else stems from that and that will deteriorate as well so you got to work on that whether, it's personally. What do you sit down and you work on yourself, and you find. Some sort of positive. Thing that you can work on even meditation. I think they all sound cliche, they all sound dumb but they work and if, you need to get professional help, then look into that as well because. And I'm gonna be doing that this year I'm definitely, gonna start going to see a therapist, this year just because I think it's important to be able to do it's. Better to be able to figure, out how to overcome hard obstacles, when they happen with the tools necessary. Rather. Than having the higher things happen and then trying to unravel it afterwards, because, that is such a harder battle to overcome and maybe. You're there already it's still worth seeking because. Just like just. Like you clean your house just. As, they say in Rick and Morty just like you wipe your ass, looking. After your own mental health is such. A good. Cleaning, mental. Process, to do so take care of yourselves out there in every, way shape and form and the last thing that's on my list to keep focusing on this year is working. Hard working more working, in such a productive, way I'm. Not gonna so, many times I'm like, there's, deadlines coming up or there's a convention coming up or there's, all these things that I want to do but I'm so worried about my schedule or something. Everything's. Everything's. Off the table this year or everything's, to play for I'm just gonna work so, super, hard in the. Most productive way that I can in the best way that makes the most amount a sense for me so. There, you have it that's, that's 2017. Over and done with, let's. Make 2018. Amazing, let's make it a fantastic year, I'm sorry that this video is so goddamn long but I had a lot to get off my mind and I have a lot that I just want to leave behind and. Let's move forward into the new year and let's. Rock it okay. Let's anyway, thank you guys so, much for watching this video and happy, New Year and I. Forget, what the rest of my outro is right now but punch that like button in the face like, you. Boys and, if. I go wrong. Shh. Thank, you guys I will see all you dudes. A, lot. Of persons no TRO, but, yeah, 2018.