LETTERMAN: Martin Short 1988
This. Fourth of July share in the festivities, and celebrate, American, independence, with a great Boston, tradition, live, from the banks of the Charles River, Andy, presents an evening of music under, the Stars and Stripes with, the Boston Pops Esplanade, Orchestra, joined special guest conductor, John Mayall cherry for America's most spectacular, birthday party. Goes. The fourth live. And in stereo, Saturday. July 4th, only, on A&E. Worldwide. Pants, proudly. Presents the, Late, Night with David, Letterman reruns. Worldwide. Pants, or. Quality. In ansan. Entertainment. It's right, night with, David. Letterman. Are, too short. In second. Domino. Plus. Jeepers. Most, dangerous. Man. Thank. You very much ladies and gentlemen welcome to the, program my name is Dave Letterman and how're you doing. We've. We've, been gone for a week haven't we have, we yeah we were on vacation for, a week first of all there was a strike, and we, were gone for like. Five months, and. Then. Someone. Someone in the band is doing a puppet show. And, then we came back to work and we put in a grueling month. We. Knocked, out sixteen shows and. Said. Screw it we're beat let's take a week off and we did. Yeah. I am so disappointed and. See, if you can't understand, the, source of my disappointment here, after. Showing this to a lot of people I, am convinced, now that what I thought was, a very rare. Seashell. That I picked up at one of the Long Island beaches over the weekend. It. Turns out it's just a human ear. That, was. That guy who was that guy. Anybody, here from France just off the gun. And here's a plant right over there I found. Thank. You lovely. Woman from France she's lived here about three years she hates me she hates the show. This. Is a little scary I don't know if you saw this over the weekend while campaigning, in Memphis, Tennessee George, Bush vowed. That if he is elected president he'll, get to the bottom of this hole is Elvis. Alive thing. Ladies. And gentlemen what a program we've slept, together for you kids at home tonight. How. Many shows do we do in the course of one year 240. That's right 240. Huh. Forty, weeks four.
Shows A week, 240. Thank you, it. Is about 240, isn't it so. So it just stands to figure that you, do 200, and you do something 240, times a year sometimes. It's gonna be great and other. Times it's not going to be so great, tonight. Of course is one of those great nights. Martin, Short is here and Fats Domino Fats. Domino I know, I know it's Domino, and also. From the Smithsonian the, insect lady not, not really what. She likes to be called she's, the curator of the. Curator. Of the insect. Insect, division. Working. Around the clock to bring you better insects, for. Her. Name is Sally love now kids say hello to our good friend Paul Shaffer right over here. Thank you. Thank, you so much this is an exciting show for me why, is that Paul Batman, is here did you do some kind of cable deal with this gentleman we did a very important, Cinemax, special. Together Fats. Domino and, friends with Ray Charles earlier those discs I can you tell us what the song is you'll be playing tonight we're. Doing uh yes. It's me and I murdered again now, yes it's me and I'm in love again bye. Hi. Fats Domino that isn't you want to try and explain that so people know what you're talking about or we just was in things that you know three people will get and that's really enough are. You uh are, you all right over there I'm all right I had a yeah I was in Los Angeles over the weekend hi how are you, you. Did a little work of it yeah but you know I I don't know what's the matter with it I think I just completely lost my mind here I'll just share this with you and as it unfolds, we'll see whether we want to continue with it, okay. I had to get on a flight. It's TWA, flight 702, by the way none. Nonstop. From Los Angeles to Kennedy it, leaves at 10:15, so I. Was working right up until about 9:15, or 9:20, so what would you think do I have a shot at getting, from Universal, amphitheater. In Universal, wherever, that is in the valley to, LAX in, Los, Angeles. Yeah. What about you ma'am the lady from Paris what did you. No no you do, you got a shot, you really do so, I know it's a pretty good chance let me tell the story. That's. Enough fast you drive I jump, in the car and I get there I get to the airport it's ten o'clock right all I got to do now is get, to the gate and get on the airplane theoretically. Yes theoretically, yeah so I look in my rearview mirror, and it's just lit up like fireworks. Looping. Spinning, blue lights and strobes, and stuff like that again and I think jeez this is a first I'm actually gonna get a ticket here in the, airport yeah I thought for a second perhaps I was on a runway. So, what can they give you a ticket for in the airport is all of us are going through my mind so, the guy I don't even know if this is LAPD, or the LA County Sheriff's I'm not sure who this was so, they're telling me now through the thing the bullhorn just, to stop and I'm still like a quarter of a mile from TWA so I thought well I'll just keep, creeping down there. So. I just I run that joke on him for a little bit and and, finally the guy says pull over and stop we're not kidding so I pulled over and I saw that I'd pulled over in front of a hydrant and I thought well he'll understand, if I move down a couple hundred yards because. So, I finally, a few minutes later rolled to a stop in, front of the TWA, place. Yeah. And he. Was not amused now and it, got into a huge fight and I don't know why I do this because these guys are only only. Enforcing, the laws that we as citizens and taxpayers, well. You can't live without of course and every time these guys jump out of a car they don't know what kind of trouble they're gonna get in absolutely, yeah and. Yet you go, nuts that. Word you're saying I didn't, I didn't start out going nuts but I did I got, exacerbated. Got, a little upset with the officer and he and I said no no if I'm late, can I stay at your place tonight. He. Didn't think that was funny and at one point he said get away from my car. So. I had to go stand over it and I said no wait a minute I said is this your car or is this the car you get for being a policeman. And. He said well it's the police car and I said well from. Taxpayers, dollars, that's how you got it I said it's actually more my car but it is your car. See, one but. I'm doing here is I'm coloring, this story to make it look like somehow I'm the good guy here but believe.
Me I was behaving like a complete jerk and then another guy shows up and. As. Well, and I've been banned from the airport I can't go back to there. He. Says next time go to ban eyes go. To Long Beach, go to Orange County don't, come here I can't go to the airport anymore. You, made the plane them well yes because you, know what time the TWA, flight 702, leaves. It's. Scheduled, to leave at 10:15. Paul take a guess at what time it actually leaves these days time it is 11 ah, so. All of this for nothing yeah lots of time then no and. Then I got to fly all the way to New York overnight, this, this guy who made noises, just Wally. 8 he made noises he fell asleep he looked like a trout it's like I'm sitting there next to. And. Then. One of the cops shoved, me oh I. Don't. Know I'm still every time I inhale, all right there. Could. Be I guess maybe I'll have this x-rayed, because I, know. It's. Horrible it was just horrible and, it. Was officer chin he's the one who shoved me, but. I guess I had it coming but see I think he wanted me he, was supposed to shove me and then I was supposed to touch him and then it was one of these all right I. Think. That's how that wordy maybe. There's, a point of this story but for the life of me I can't remember it now oh oh. No tell, us about your weekend this was last. Weekend you went to Milwaukee yeah two weekends ago I did as you remember I had, to go to Milwaukee to, perform, the national anthem Brooke, at. The Milwaukee. Brewers game right 45,000. People in the stadium I've been very nervous never done anything like that before I mean you know as you know I don't have a lot of confidence in my singing voice and this is Robert, Merrill had done it at the matinee, and Wednesday, okay I'm sorry the afternoon, game. Where. Are you from anyway. That's. A tough act to - yeah plus the only other time I had been in the stadium one time as a kid I the, only major league game I ever saw was in nawaki same stadium so I was really nervous I think this would be a really difficult gig, to do under any circumstances. I think no one would it you know no one would ever see it just the people in the stadium well, no we have it on video glass we. We. Have it all on videotape let's, in fact let's say you want to take a look at the video handsome, as you yeah now this is we're gonna. What. We have I think we're gonna look at now is the introduction, to the, national anthem and I've been to many many major league baseball, games and many professional. Athletic. Events and will has actually performed the anthem at hockey games yes this is the first time Paul I've heard a guy do. Patter, before. He starts, playing the anthem, are you afraid of me yeah my act I've, never heard this before you do a little hi nice to see you I. Have. To set it up. So. Because. I didn't you know I was an unsteady, about myself, saying stand up you know I yeah. But I usually people just hit the park and go wow, but, you had a you know I made, the room my own yeah, you know all, right so all right we'll take this, is what we're gonna see now you kind of warm in the crowd 45,000. People in the Milwaukee County Stadium who's this guy Paul. This. Man I think is the owner of the Brewers or, was. In executive with the Milwaukee. Brewers I'll, bet everything I own this guy has never seen the show. Yeah. What, time it uses an evening. Here. Comes the pattern in Milwaukee a great. Place great, leg. I'm here to do the national haha. I'm no singer as your hair. We kind of over explained, it KPI, or asked if I wanted to play another song nothing, else in my repertoire so I have to do some time I would, play. If. It, gets any later they couldn't get the game in before curfew was the problem. Okay. So that, was you setting it up now we actually have some of Paul performing, it and it turned out very nicely well, I did most of it as you'll see okay so that's what we're gonna do right all right let's take a look at that I did.
Most Of it instrumentally. To my teachers line. Just, the last line. I will, do a commercial and then we'll be back Marty shoulders here. Here's. The real beauty of rust-oleum, protective. Coatings a. Tough. Barrier, against, the elements. Rust-oleum. The. Name that means protection. Brewed from the start to be the one great tasting beer that's less filling. It's everything, you want a beer to be. Tomorrow. Cash. Machines. Hey, they. Are honest, big laughs but, when it comes to comedy. Don't let anybody hand, you a lie unless. It's the one-of-a-kind. Grade a certified. Bona fide improv. Seven. Nights a week on Amy. The. Ax tiny portraits. Of the people. With. Personalities. As varied, as our own. These. Thing of our heroes. Echo with our history. There are many reasons to love stamps. And love them. These. Are stamps worth saving. Ask. For the space stamps, at your post office now. So. No officer. Qin wouldn't give me his first name I don't. Blame him well no he shoved me so, I should be entitled to at least give get his first name I always, do that like I'm gonna file some kind of report you know like like they're gonna be frightened, old mr. TV is filing a report. You. Would think the airport would be the one place where they wouldn't have speed limits because everybody's, in a hurry. Limits. Actually much lower inside, the airport I don't know what is yes twenty five and he didn't tell me how fast I was going I shudder, to think yeah I don't know and then also I, heat I didn't want to sign the ticket and I don't think you have to sign the ticket do we have any police in the audience. Or. Just pretend you're a cop somebody like, you. Know you don't have to sign those tickets do you I didn't, think so. Let's, get on with it we're. Always delighted when our first guest comes the south of the border and pays us a visit he was a member of the cast of sctv and his, films include inner space, and. Other films his films include inner space that's one of them but there have been other films they. Just don't happen to be on these cards. Ladies. And gentlemen please say hello to Martin Short. Martin. Shark, other. Other films interspace, what, are the ones remember any of the other Phil I could and yet I can remember every, one of your shows. The. David, Letterman morning. That's right. Was. It the morning event um you, were you. Were in the original pilot for Charles in Charge went, you do we counted a yeah. And. You, were in The Mary Tyler Moore hour, no. It was good you, did that whole dance thing shut up and. My. First film was three amigos, that's right there you go hey. You. You. Look relaxed. And like. You're on the summer vacation you even have a kind of a different looks, like it may be a vacation sort, of an experimental vacation, haircut. But. Just they were trying. I. Listen. To a guy I, have. This Erica because I listen to a guy's said to me do you know what would be fun and totally, different for you. The. Kid from deliverance. It does have a. They, might not the, suit is new I got this from the William, Frawley estate it's a whole look. I'm. Guessing, that the haircut had something to do with your last yeah, I just finished a movie, well Nick Nolte. It's, well it has no title yet it's, called the Nick Nolte Marty, short thing for Christmas and. But. It's a and Nick was great next a great guy, we. Just finished it. He. Would do it he would do he, had done this film with Katharine Hepburn called. The ultimate solution of grace Quigley so I would do how to do, that in I don't don't have dates with me my I left my list in the ring it just doesn't didn't come to mind as being a recent effort no I would say probably mid-80s. Anyway I would do a Hepburn, with him I would do you know I I, would say you know can we get this bloody scene finish so we get the hell out of here Oh. Get. Off my bag you skinny old bra. He's. Grateful you, did it turn out alright the film yeah I think it's very good an adventure, kind of a buddy picture, it's, a back it's, a buddy picture do you think buddy did. Say buddy well it is a buddy picture but it's so much more David. So much. Let's. Put this way at no point in the film are Nick, and I in a car driving where, we look out the window go. News. On, the. Speaking of fans director, dysfunctional, seized. A bear wonderful, director it. Was interesting, the only thing you had to be careful you could you had to be careful when you did your maurice chevalier put, down so you couldn't just do, them and, see, an interesting thing. Morty. Said why that joke but. I said, to, Morty let me relax here. Yeah. It's. Interesting because we have a someone. In our audience tonight from France well that's why I did it because you. Had just set fire to the air with your French stuff and, I wanted to come out and top it yeah. So. Refreezing. This against, my better judgment you had to be careful then to where, and when you did your maurice chevalier put-downs.
Yeah Yeah you. Couldn't just say let's who wants to grab some frog after, work you couldn't have that you, know French. Food. Okay. Now then you see you mention up north yeah yeah I've been I was up north be spending your summer up there now yeah, yeah well look at me do you have a little retreat it's. A very secluded place. It's an island there a couple of cottages, on it what's the name of the other what body of water is it in Lake Muskoka, let's go go is it that's not one of the Great Lakes is it. No. It's not one of the great lake is like let's go Lake Muskoka, is I don't it's. It's about a hundred and fifty miles north of Toronto and. You. Know it's rappers applauding. To. Get away from you. Don't want no you don't want the phone ringing hello buddy not now you don't want that all day no you, want at your the first week you're, just, kind of a little bit bored you know you're kind of a boat. Then. You and, your wife and two children yeah Catherine and Oliver well this sounds great oh it's great and then also, Eugene, Levy in his wife Deborah and their children you shared a very funny man thank you Oh Gigi. And. Then, around the second, week you just really get into and start eating you know you, know your, weight gain and, then. Around the third week you're. Totally bored again it's nothing down yeah, well I think that's a good process yeah we had a neighbor who would was a dentist who would you know you would be right into the lake and the solitude, and he come, knocking oh oh how are you and do. You know what's amazing about Chaplin. Suffer. A migraine as you had to go into details, of why comedy, and what. Happened with amigos anyway it should have been funny Oh. I like. Jus the film, was funny I can remember going with a bunch of people from our office to see a some. Kind of a screening and we laughed through the whole thing yeah yeah well. I liked whether those that thought it was not funny, there. Were there some people had problems. I, remember. Leonard Maltin saying, parts of it I really liked in other parts I didn't like at all. We. Have to do a commercial and, we'll be back here with Martin Short. Paramount. Pictures presents, Eddie Murphy I'm talking about how business, dinner, in the romantic. Now. Here's. The real beauty of rust-oleum protective. Coatings a. Tough. Barrier, against, the elements. Rust-oleum. The. Name that means protection. At, GMC, truck we've seen days like this for 80 years and. I've. Learned the value of a van that gives you the most room. The added safety of four-wheel anti-lock brakes, the traction. Of full-time, long drive. And that feeling of security. To build as strong as a truck. Safari. From, GMC. Truck more, proof of the strength of experience. The. Arts and entertainment network presents one of televisions most honored, documentary, series the true, experience of war the, battles the victories, and the losses the, statesmen the leaders the soldiers, in the entire epic story as you've never seen it before, the world at war with, Sir Laurence Olivier tonight, on A&E. Our. Technology. Metal muscle, George, C Scott's. Tonight, on ad. Tostitos. Restaurant. Style tortilla, chips. You've. Never had it this good. Tostitos. This. Is the taste it. Takes you there. The, florida's here and. Used. To work as a network but you started maybe didn't even start but you at one point made. Your living as a singer that's. Wrong - no I get you, at one point in business, sang yeah, it's true I would, there was a show in Canada in, Toronto, called everything goes and. It was I was like a, boy. Singer I would come on dude like you know a song. Yeah. I was hosted by norm Crosby right, which. And. It didn't it was a 90-minute variety show every week and I used to come on but once a we can sing and. This. One like Tony Bennett was. On as well as I was and I was very excited to Tony Bennett who's gonna be on cuz you know an idol how old were you at this time about 22 him you know but, still I spent, a lot of life you know you were protesting. And oh girls, watching oh. And. I was my attic going weather why is such. A cuckoo, day. Jumped. On to the bandwagon of, properties, you're you were down hair sing just, a rose officer. But I was, listening. So, anyway. What. Other thing. So. Tony Bennett is the guest and, I. See, that he's a guest and I'm very nervous you know and I think oh my god Tony well they said don't worry he's, on the top of the show you're at the end of the show and. I think okay, that's fine so there's a snowstorm and, he. Gets in very late so. I'm in the greenroom and Tony to come rushing through Tony and I'm. Excited, then he starts singing yeah bridge troubles, come on. And. They say great time but that's you know wait till we get on stage.
He. Was except pumped did you say and so, yeah. And so. Anyways. He's, on stage and he's killing is in great voice you know. The. Audience is screaming and during, the number that they come, in and say you're on next, I, say. You you do you can't follow a singer with a singer yeah and they say watch and. They. Set up the chair the, stool. Downstage. As tony is just killing. And. Then. He ends never, you. Know and he can't he leaves and they cut over norm Crosby says, that's, really great, and now here's a kid who sings real good Marty short. And. It customi and I've seen there's a, bad look, you know it's long hair, but the pants that don't worry it's cut across between clam diggers and bell-bottoms. It doesn't know it's kind of flaring, up here you know. It's. Really a sad-looking a belt the belt that's way too big. You know. Vivian. Vance belt almost, and. The sweater that funny so I'm sitting there nervous, in the end and the music stops singing you and I the, Stevie Wonder song and I'm I. Look. At again say what is, following. Tony Bennett, and, nothing. Nothing. Can sit there problem, no so I start the song here, we are on. Earth together. It's. You, and. Me and, already I'm wrong as, long as you and I. So. Every lyric went, from my head and. I started to make up lyrics. Inadvertently. Impersonating. Tony Bennett. I. Don't. Know here we are on earth together is humne. I. Love. Was made it. Was me. And then I just had, to keep going higher now there was nothing you and. Then, afterwards, I was just in a bathroom. Kind of throwing a cold water on my face trying. To recover and, Tony. Bennett came in and and. I thought he's gonna say something profound, but he just did you, froze good kid but good, night. You. Froze good and that and he was history yeah we were right out of there yeah. What, do you anything, to plug before we wrap this up well, first of all I'm only here because of an extreme, amount of love and then. Caring, that I have for you and. Your show thank you very much but I would like to plug something. No I know in September, 10th the the totally. Mental misadventures, of egg Grimley Saturday. Morning 11:30 NBC, Oh animated. Half-hour. It's. The totally, the. Totally, mental misadventures, ed Grimley Jonathan, winters Catherine O'Hara Joe clarity and live-action, Andrea. Martin so it's not just a cartoon this is a cartoonist Joe when Edie is a big fan of count Floyd and when, he turns on the TV you go into the TV and it's joe flirty like a good idea very. Funny we'll. Be looking for that and the other film is out the wind crystal at Christmastime yes good to see you good to see you have a great summer thanks for being. One. Adult cereal could be this much fun to eat basic. For a colorful. Mix of lightly toasted flakes sweet and tangy fruits and crunchy, nuts splash, on cold milk can you get something tasty from each of the four food groups, basic. For the, adult. Cereal. With. The taste that never grew up. Brief. Game just. Black. Down to this. No other cards, you can carry is accepted, in more places and in more ways for, at. Home and abroad. I got. Independent MasterCard. Cartoony. Brooms. Master. Card. Master. The moment, this, jazz the. Way it was meant to be heard he. Intimate, surroundings and. With a few close friends. Join jazz greats, Herbie, Hancock, Tony Williams playing, shorter, and the soft touch of newcomer, Jason, Rebello. Escape. To a musical, paradise, as, Bravo takes you on a captivating. Journey to bird land of, Robin a world premiere jazz series. Gorilla. Tropics, the, African, rainforest at, the San Diego Zoo seen, before. Another day slips, by. Making. Life. What. Could be cooler than ice cream with all the taste of the Milky Way bar bacon, I have a little. Sweet. Milky. Way. I'm. Here in this auto graveyard, to demonstrate, new finish the once a year car polish simply, wipe it on and wipe it off there's no rubbing no buffing, look, how new finish restored a deep hard shine to even this weather-beaten old car you see new finish is not a wax, it's a space-age, polymer, formula, that shines better and lasts, longer and here's, proof an independent. Laboratory test a new finish against several leading brands of car polish after simulating. A full year of varying weather new finish had the highest gloss, and actually, retained 90%, of its original shine next. We polished this car with new finish and ran it through 52, car washes, after, all the harsh detergents, and scrubbing the waters fill beads you'll find new finish is great for fiberglass, boats too so get new finish the once a year car polish and between polishing, use new finished car wash to clean your car new.
Finish Liquid, rated number one buy leading consumer magazines, available at Sears, Pep Boys Rite, Aid True Value Ace Hardware Western, Auto Eckert Walgreens, Kmart, and other leading stores. The. Show in the half-hour, here in this half-hour we're already in the second half hour we're well into the second half hour from, the Smithsonian insect. Zoo Sally, love is here and Fats. Domino did, we cover what you guys are gonna do I really did and what did we say it was yes it's me and I'm a nerd again oh that's right oh yeah God we got into it again but, really it's, yes it's me and I'm in love again yeah good that'll be nice to hear and tomorrow on the program a special, effects artist Bob short, Bob. Short will be here, Bob. Short. Yes. It's that Bob short. Actor. Anthony Edwards will be here. How. Do we know Anthony Edwards, Top. Gun that's right Top Gun and, and. Mr. mom, mr.. North rent. Revenge of the Nerds Ben. Casey that's right he was TVs Ben Casey. Very. Good well thank you who's. This guy. It's. A guy on the phone and, the fist a guy on the phone and also, on the program tomorrow. Actor. Tony Randall will be here that's tomorrow. Also. Paul I have two, more Paul Newman stories really. Did you run into him again ran into him again Adam, West Coast no New, Jersey at the Meadowlands Grand Prix yeah yeah and we'll I'll tell you those two stories tomorrow. They, ain't that good. I, have, here in my hand, the, you, know this Writers Guild strike in two more weeks the. Writers will have been on strike half. A year unbelievable. Six months. And, so we have tonight from the Home Office in Lincoln Nebraska top, 10 reasons producers. Don't want to settle the Writers Guild strike. You. Know if we were dealing with reasonable. Humans the producers, Alliance, this strike. Wouldn't. Have would never have happened we would have just gone to them with our problems and they would have said oh sure when you take care of that but, no six, months top. Ten reasons they won't do, not want to settle the Writers Guild strike the reasons the producers don't want two reasons, why they here we go number ten. They're money-grubbing, scum they know what they love it. Now. See here once again we have a problem because of the strike number nine not, available due to Writers Guild strike. Number. Eight they'd like to watch me limp through these lame little top-ten, deals every night and. Once again number seven not available due to Writers Guild strike damn we're. Not getting our money's worth here number. Six have already printed up cute little Union Buster t-shirts. Number. Five want to see favorite sitcom characters, just make things up I. Think. That's what they're doing on The Cosby Show anyway. Number. Four too. Busy chasing cabana, boys around Beverly Hills hotel, pool. Again. Number three not available due to Writers Guild strike. Number. Two if writers are paid reasonable, wage billionaire. Status for producers, could be delayed a few months. And the number one reason the producers don't want to settle the Writers Guild strike they're. Worried that Hollywood, glamour babes will think they're yellow. Sally. Loves after, we watch the commercial.