Probably the Best Documentary Film about Namibia (English Subtitles)

Probably the Best Documentary Film about Namibia (English Subtitles)

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Do you ever wake up at night thinking how it would look like if 3 Slovakians and 1 Czech went to Africa? Me too. And you'll never know until you try. - Jano - What? - Can you smell the Namibian air? It's something completely different. Completely. What a change! Mission number 1 - we have to pick up our car, so we take a taxi to Windhoek, the capital of Namibia. Brandy is good, just sometimes. - Yugoslavia. - Huh?

- You have nice football. We could say that our first mission was partially successful. We saw the city but our car was waiting at the airport we had just come from.

We started with one little mistake but now we've got the car, the weather is great, so nothing can go wrong from now on. Damn, you wouldn't normally experience this. It's completely alright. With the sunset.

The four-wheel drive is strong, you can drive through anything. Yeah, you don't have to worry. Our first day in Namibia is over. Now it's time to find a spot in the Namibian wilderness for the first night. We're nicely hidden behind these 2 bushes. In the morning we're getting up and heading south to the Fish River Canyon, the largest canyon in Africa, which is also the second largest canyon in the world after the Grand Canyon in USA.

- Hmm... - But it is an African horse. - Yeah, an African horse is something more. - Uh-huh - This won't work. - I guess we're gonna push. - Right, we're gonna push. - But it's quite stable here.

- Yeah? - But you're drowning a lot. - Niceee - Nooo Well, either I'll have wet legs or I won't have wet legs. We'll see when I get out. A bit there, there, there. No, to the other side. A bit towards me...and back...that's it...go!

You're on my property! Are you coming to help with digging up? - Not yet. I'd give it a moment. - Those are African eggs, they need a little longer. - Yeah, a little. There's definitely that stuff... In this example, you can perfectly see what a flash flood in the north can cause. If we didn't get our car out quickly enough, the strong river current would wash it away like nothing.

It's likely from a farm. Damn, they're fast. WTF! How he is sprinting... What you're about to see was completely unexpected.

Bumpy dirt roads and especially after raining may be very dangerous. WTF...okay... He's gonna help us. - Good, you're alright. - Thanks, bro. - We could have left on our own. - We could have finished the trip. Fixed.

Even though our accident might look really bad, fortunately no one got injured. However, it could have literally ended up worse if we hadn't fastened our seatbelts. Therefore, never forget to fasten your seatbelts also on such remote roads. Thanks to the passersby, we arranged a tow truck and a drive back to Windhoek. I don't have food but beer and a bar.

Don't worry, guys...We're on vacation now. After a little "tea session", we're gonna explore Windhoek at night. Christuskirche, a German Lutheran church built in 1907. Almost just opposite of Christuskirche, you can see the Independence Memorial Museum. In front of the museum there stands a statue of the first president of Namibia. Next day we're again heading south to the canyon.

I know. Look, look. ...120 eggs and we take a kettle and make scrambled eggs... - We're all excited about this and we're recording here. - Well, it's our first or second animal. - Yeah, first animals. After a few hard days and one car later, we finally got to the Fish River Canyon.

With the length of 160km and width of 27km it ranks second in the whole world. Its deepest point reaches the depth of 550m. Good, one photo and bye. Right now we're driving along the Orange River that creates a natural border between Namibia and South Africa.

- But where are the baobabs? - We have absolutely no idea. - Where are the baobabs? - Hahah, they are the most senseless people I've ever the middle of desert. - Man, all those movies are about guys like this. - Yeah, yeah, hahah. - What will we name them? - We should name them. These two deserve names. - For sure.

- That's Bao and Bab. - Such two baobabs. - Then we saw the baobabs. - Now I understand all the movies, all the parodies. - In the middle of desert...nothing. - Guys, do you know what they are doing? - What? - They're walking. That's all they're doing. After the maps navigated us to baobabs that didn't exist, we're returning to the north, to baobabs that hopefully exist.

Give me your paws. - Wait! - Yeah, now you'll die. - Right, now I'll die...but this is beautiful! - This is good bullshit in google images...Let's take a picture with that bush. - Big one? - Yeah, it's really huge.

- WTF! It's running away. - Oh daaaamn - Ouch, you sharpened my hand. - I'm kidding. - This is dangerous stuff, let's have a beer. - One will be enough.

- Guys, we have to economise. - Who knows when we'll find a shop again. Since we're 4 highly intelligent people, we're walking and running to the nearest pub for almost 40 minutes.

- What is it running here? - I'm running a marathon. - It's alright. After the night expedition we're moving to Kolmanskop. This town was inhabited in the first half of 20th century by German diamond seekers. However, nowadays it's a ghost town covered by sand. - Wait. - Damn, we won't get up this way. - We have to plan this.

- That's a lot of sand. - Should we get in? - Let's push it a little bit more. - Good. 1-2-3! - 1-2-3! - How will I get in? - Just get in. - This won't work. - It's not working.

- Don't give up! - Fuck it. - Well, it was a good try. - Nice stairs. - Huge, huge. After the historical-cultural experience, we just need to get closer to the next destination and find a place for tonight. - Here's your ration. - Thanks.

- Go there. - Run. - I would hug you so much. Our next stop is Sesriem Canyon. Although it's not the largest canyon in Africa, but on the other hand, it offers a great place for leisure activities... ...or also a training area for the Czecho-Slovakian National Synchronized Swimming Association. - I'm Jan Hromadka and this is parkour. - Go.

- Isn't he a dimwit? - WTF. - Let's go there. - Are you coming? - Go away from that. - Don't worry.

- Good. - It's alright. - The fire is extinguished. - Mamma Mia. - Probably okay. - Well, we did it.

The following morning we're starting in the Namib desert. This area is characteristic of high red sand dunes and we're conquering Dune 45 as the first one. - I'm Jan Hromadka and this is parkour.

- 3-2-1 go! After overcoming rough terrain, we're coming to Deadvlei - a place where you can find trees older than 700 years. On the way to one of the highest sand dunes in the world, we're stopping by the Tropic of Capricorn. Before a little sport activity, we're climbing Dune 7 with the height of 383m, which ranks first in Namibia and according to some sources also in the whole world. I'm Jan Hromadka and this is parkour. After sandboarding we continue in Walvis Bay, the 3rd largest city of Namibia well known for the biggest port, salt pans and a lagoon where you can watch thousands of flamingos. - There's a billion pink lakes like this. - You think so?

- Well, one's here at least and I can't see further. - He threw a salt at him. - Bro, this is fucked up.

- It's extremely soft here. - Yeah, it's very soft. - Where's the fucking shovel? - Are we gonna cook, boys? - Damn, I just fell through to the water. - Kubo, what did you lose? - A flip-flop. - Are you looking for salt? - Wait, I need to find it. - Guys, we really have to find it. Let's go!

- Watch out. - No, you'll chop it up. - Did you find it? - Good, move further. - Each of us lost 1 life.

- You're done. - He didn't fall through. - I don't know. How do we count it? - How do we count whether you fell through? - I think I didn't. - Me neither.

- This is alright. Only you two did. - Another one. - Now it counts. - And fewer go to the double room? - Yeah, those who win go to the double room. - The luxury one. - We're playing as if someone's gonna sleep outside.

- We have three beds... - Or we can bring the tent and set it up here. - Let's play.

Just 43km from Walvis Bay we're finally stopping for mojitos, goulash and beer. All of this and even more is available in Swakopmund, a costal town notable for the German colonial architecture. - We've found a portal to Germany. - Look, a coach from Europe. - He looks like he wants to screw them all. - He looks a bit perverted. - Extremely. Especially with his moustache. - It's a video. - Good.

- Do at least four seconds, be king. - 1-2-3-4...niceee...5-6. - This is the worst filth. - It's as if we were garbage men. After 40km from Swakopmund we're driving along an area that significantly reminds of the Moon.

Hence, this area is called the Moon Landscape. Since we've come all the way here, we decided to make our own space crew. Our next goal is the Spitzkoppe, massive granite rocks with the highest peak at 1728m above sea level. Because of its shape, it's nicknamed the "Matterhorn of Namibia." - Those stones are really colored. - Those are diamonds.

In the evening we're heading to the Skeleton Coast - a coast where thousands of ships wrecked because of unpredictable ocean currents and dense fog. - Hellooo - Jan! - What? - What are you doing over there? - I'm looking at you. - Are we gonna get shitfaced? - Let's do it! - Auto - Ostrava - That one's already been used. - You moron! - I'll kill you! - And I'll kill you! - Let's go to a pub! - Let's have a fight, boys! At the Skeleton Coast there lives one of the largest seal colonies in the world.

The number of seals at Cape Cross can reach 200 000. Because we came in February, the coast was full of pups still dependant on their mothers. - Damn, what a stink! - You'll get used to it. - You're okay? - Yeah. - That's nature. - Right, that's life. If they can't catch fish, they die.

- Buddy. - Look, a little one! - WTF! - I have a respect. If they bite you, you may get rabies. - Come on! - I can't - Jan is done. Let's go home, Jan is dead. - They got him, he's gone. - That's nature. - But it's closer now. Our next stop will take us to very far past. In the Petrified forest you can see remains of trees about 280 million years old.

- There are the trees. - Pieces of trees. In the Petrified forest you can see also the national plant of Namibia - Welwitschia mirabilis. It is depicted in the national coat of arms and it can live up to 2000 years. - Welcome, kids! - Who are you? - I'm the Wise Druid. Come to me and you'll learn secrets. We're staying in the past a little longer. Twyfelfontein, which means "Doubtful Spring" in Afrikaans, is currently a site of significant rock engravings.

It is estimated that the engravings were made in the period of 1000 to 10 000 years ago. - Do something. - Backflip! - Handstand - Do a handstand - It doesn't understand what assholes have just stopped here.

- Dumbass - It's the dumbest animal. - There are many. - They all sat down.

Around lunchtime we stopped in a small settlement called Sesfontein. And on the way to a grocery store we got invited to a match with the local football team. And this is how we were getting ready. - Bro, they're better than us. - WTF! - Brooo... - They're good, huh? - What a match - Is it over? - No, still playing but I need a break.

The following morning we met up with a local guide who would help us track desert lions, desert giraffes and black rhinos. Since the wilderness is not a zoo, after the whole day of tracking under the hot sun, we found just remains of a rhino. From this place you can notice the so-called fairy circles in the sand, whose origin is still not unambiguously explained. - We did it.

- Stop, stop. After the long journey all the way from the South African border, we're finally getting to Etosha National Park in the north. With the length of about 200km and width of 100km, it provides the best option for wildlife watching in Namibia.

- Young lady! - Young lady! - How much? - Kitty - Guys, I need to pee. - Do you know what that lion("LEV" in Slovakian) is called? - What? - LEV Nikolayevich Tolstoy. - It's getting up. - No worries. - Those balls. - What a kitty.

- Hmm, okay. - It's like an overgrown chicken. ♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪ ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪ - It has lots of black stripes. - That's interesting. - It can hear us.

- Jan got fucked up, he got bitten by some monster in his leg. - This hurts. - I'm never going to the pool again. - Never again. I'm done with swimming. - It's over. - I'm done with my career of water polo. - There are more lions in the grass.

- Can you see some? - Uh-huh. There are lions in the grass. - We won't see them now for sure. - Wait. - Huh?

- That one wasn't there. - No. - I was telling you it was full of lions. - She just got up. - What does she have in her mouth? - She has a little branch in her mouth. - She's carrying a little branch.

- They react only to certain sounds. - Martyyy - Which one is Marty? - Wait, they may be fighting for...Look, look, look. - They're fighting for the water. - It doesn't look like a fight. Isn't it some kind of a ritual?

- WTF - Niceee - That's a couple. - Well, he's bleeding from the fight. - What? - He has blood below his tusk. It's bleeding. The bigger one, closer to us. - You won't see it from here. He has to turn around. - If the lioness was vegan, these could be homosexual elephants. I wouldn't wonder. - Wait, his huge penis is swinging there. - Right.

- Check if the other one has a penis. - The other one also does. - Those are two males, haha.

- Damn, how it's working with the trunk. - Hmm, good trunk. - It's also cleaning the hay off the grass. - It's cleaning that because the hay falls off the grass and keeps only the green. - Kitty.

- Isn't it more like a dog? - Probably. - It's a mini Bambi. - Now a cheetah could come and eat it. - Really, it would be like a light breakfast. - It is shy. It is really shy. - It's alert all the time, always watching around.

- What is it afraid of? - Maybe it's expecting lions. - Yeah, it's afraid of lions too. - What else would a hyena be afraid of? - Wow, so this is the meteorite. In Namibia you can also find the largest meteorite in the world. It weighs more than 65 tons and its dimensions are 2.7 x 2.7 x 0.9m, and it's mainly composed of iron and nickel.

- Watch out! - Pumbaa, where are you? Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa...little Pumbaas. Our very last stop before the return to Windhoek is a site of preserved dinosaur tracks. - This will be a problem if I fall down.

- Fuck, it's bad, it's bad. - Okay, I'm done. We're going home. - Byeee - Jan, what are you doing? - I'm packing. - What are you packing? - Souvenirs. - What else? - Clothes. - Nice. And what are you packing it to?

- To pizza boxes. Nice. And this is how it may look when 3 Slovakians and 1 Czech head to Africa. It's not easy but it's fun. And you'll never know until you try. Goodbye, Namibia.

2021-07-01 05:44

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