Tony Robbins: HOW TO START OVER ( Tony Robbins Motivation )
Oh. Why. Are you here that's. What we want to talk about today, we. Got a look at what makes you really do what you do, everything. On earth has a purpose, and you do to that purpose, provides an inner drive that once you tap into it can give your life immense, fulfillment, it'll also give you certainty, because. You know right now what a world that's changing so rapidly that. Virtually every time you turn around you hear about something else that's changing, and I personally, get to deal with hundreds of thousands of people per year I see about 250. To 300, thousand people a year in my live programs. And I, hear so much excitement, and also there's so much fear, about the pace of change I mean we've all talked about changes happening so rapidly now, in paradigm, shifts all that stuff has become so, overused, at this point that we become numb to it but. It's true never in the history of the world of things change so rapidly so you need to find something that's eternal. Inside, of yourself that. No matter what changes on the surface, this. Part, of you does not change it's. The part you come back to the, part that guides you the part that really makes you fulfilled, and, that's your purpose because all of a sudden when you find out a friend's got cancer. Or you turn around and you see that 35,000. People IBM, got laid off or, or an entire industry disappeared. Overnight because a new one was created, it'll, give you a way to find some good and virtually anything your, purpose, is available, to you at any moment in your life but you got to know what it is before. We get into it let me back up a little bit here okay. I have a good friend is one of the most successful financial. People in the country he works in all these financial markets he's incredibly, successful, businessman, but, I know he's working very hard right now on a goal and. I went to visit him recently and boy he's, working hard he's gonna achieve that goal but you, know when the goals finally there then he's gonna be happy I thought, no no no no. You know each moment, we've got to be able to find some sense of meaning, for our life something that a significant. Something is useful, and, we all know this is not a new conversation. But, as your coach and as your friend in these tapes I'd, like to draw your attention to some things that maybe you already know but haven't thought about for a while maybe, get you to put some of your focus into the most important, area life which is enhancing, meaning, see, all of us in life have to have a reason, to be here if, all you're doing out there is going out and trying to achieve goals and then, you achieve them and I'm sure you've run into that trip up wire that says okay I've achieved the goal and now what right, we achieve the goal and your brain says is this all there is see.
The Purpose, of the goal is I've shared with you so many times is not to achieve the goal the purpose of the goal is what it makes of us as people who we become. Ultimately. With all we have to have a sense, but who we even have become has some kind of meaning without. That there's not a reason to live there's not a reason to get up there's not a reason to go out there and make it happen, what's. Really controlling this man's life is fear when people say they're cynical, or they're pessimistic what, they're really screaming out to you is I'm scared, out of my mind, I'm. Afraid to dream again I'm afraid to think about what's possible I'm afraid to, really put myself on the line it's I'm gonna go for something I'm gonna stand for something I'm gonna put myself in line in a relationship, or my business or my vision to make a difference in the world because. You know what maybe at one time this person did that maybe, they've tried it several times and it didn't work and they got pain and pain and pain but he said they didn't want the pain so they stopped dreaming he stopped and visioning he stopped coming, up with meaning instead they. Trying to keep themself away from the pain by saying well there's no meaning in it all anyway but. Unfortunately, that gives you the ultimate pain cuz it gives you a life without meaning, and. No one can live a life that's fulfilled. Without a sense of meaning, see. We've been put here for a reason, question. Is why and. The answer I think is different for every one of us it's. Different for me than it is for you and yet it's the same. Every, one of us has been put here every one of us is unique and different and special and. I believe our Creator if I'm gonna use the word God if I'm a God. Has put you here for a reason, questions. What is it God. Does not create things, without a purpose everything, on earth serves a purpose why.
Are You here, what, are you here to do what. Are you here to become to create, and to give, these. Are some of the most significant, questions that you can answer in your life and, even when you answer them I'm sure that, as your life expands, you'll come up with better answers as you get more experienced and you get closer and touch with your, own innermost, being and maybe a closer, in touch with your Creator as well so. Tony where are you going with this I'm. Really going to the essence of giving your life what you deserve which. Is knowing. That there are no mistakes knowing. That every little thing you do has, a consequence. It, can be a positive consequences. If you choose it the. Most powerful, thing that has consequence, in your life though is the thing we talk about so. Often but I gotta say it again and that is what's really ultimately shaping, our lives our decisions, the. First decision is a decision about what to focus on where, your focus goes gonna determine how you think how you feel what, you do, ultimately. What your life turns out like what you're able to contribute, the. Bottom line is we must find an empowering, focus, out of any situation, the. Second, decision that shapes our life and the meaning of our lives are the decisions that we make about what something means. Meaning. As, ultimately. Something we determine, that's. The exciting part about it, and that's the scary part about it the, third decision of course is what are you going to do. See. So. Much of the fear that we see in life comes. From the fact that most of us don't feel like we're in control we're, running around trying to control all the events of our lives and every. Single one of us is going to experience multiple, situations. In our life that no matter how skillful, we are well. We cannot control, the event well, it's just not something that we can control because we didn't initiate it anytime, you're dealing with other people, this is gonna happen any time you're dealing with Mother Nature this, is gonna happen most. Of us in life are so afraid something's gonna happen that we can't control therefore we're gonna get pain that. We try to avoid those things we can't control we try to shape our lives where, we spend our time who, we spend our time with what, we do by. Environments. That we feel really comfortable in, when we feel like we're really controlling, them what that does is it limits the shape and quality of our lives we've. Got to be able to put ourselves out there to, discover what we're really capable of or put environments, when we don't know what to do we, don't know what things mean we're not sure it's, in those environments that we grow the most it's in those environments we discover more of our true purpose as human beings it's, there that our character, is shaped you. Know so many times we set goals or we have dreams or we have plans and we work our tail off and it doesn't come out the way we want and. A lot of people come out of those situations disillusioned. Or angry, or resentful or, frustrated. They look for someone to blame but. You know sometimes, I really truly believe that not, getting your goal as part of the design it's. Part of the game plan causing. You to dig inside and discover more of yourself to. Really begin to use your real capacity. As human being those, traits, that are within you that only expand, what they're challenged. When, demands are made upon them you. Know I truly believe that God is not so much interested in our convenience. As, he is in our character, you. Know and I also believe that because something hasn't happened, right away when you wanted it and designed it didn't work out doesn't mean it's not gonna happen it's, really a test of how committed are you it's really a test designed to make you become more gods. Delays, are not God's denials. Unless. You give up of course if, you don't do your part then of course whatever you've envisioned will never come to be but. We have to be willing to continue to put ourselves forth, and know that events will show up that we can't control so, let me ask you a question you go okay I understand, all this Tony but how do you ever have a sense of certainty in a world that's changing all the time where, you set goals you do all the right things and still doesn't always turn out right how, do you live in a world or suddenly something can happen it can take away your whole business or you know storm could come and take away your home or or some calamity could happen to your personal, family or a disease, could hit or or someone could die how. Do you deal with all that and.
The Answer is you, have to know the one thing you can control is not events, where. You control is what things mean to you and, therein. Comes the secret to life because. No matter what happens in your life the meaning of what has happened is. Yours, you. Get to determine it as long as you're conscious, and you don't allow the people around you to teach you what to think and as long as you don't just go on automatic, pilot and allow your nervous, system to. Make up connections, that are false let, me give an example of what happens to people certainly, by now you realize that, what you do is human being is primarily driven by your need to avoid pain your desire for pleasure right but, see all of us have learned through life certain, things mean more pain than others, and so some people are driven by their fear, right, the experience, the emotion of fear is the most incredible. Painful, thing they could ever imagine so they'll do anything to avoid being in a fearful situation other. People are driven by their desire to feel a sense of adventure. Obviously. They make decisions differently, they focus, on different things in life they, can walk in the same room as someone who lives in fear and they're gonna notice different things they're gonna want to sit in a different place they're gonna want to try a different kind of thing then someone is trying to focus on how to be secure, what. Drives you are. You driven by guilt are you driven by your past when. We were to use the word driven, the word Drive it. Really means to guide to control, or to direct something so. What's guiding you what's controlling you what's directing, your behavior, what's directing, your focus what's directing, the meaning you're pulling from your life what. Is it is, it your parents is, it, the competition you have with somebody else is it, wanted to prove somebody wrong is. It your desire to contribute is it your desire for joy or happiness or. Is it a sense of purpose that's driving you a sense, there's something out there for you to do something. You're designed, to evolve into to become to share to give to create you don't even know what it is but. You're willing to trust that each day more that's gonna come out see. Whatever drives, you that's, what's shaping your life and the challenges, that most of us never consciously. Decide, what we're gonna have drive our life see. We're not stimulus-response, animals. But we can be stimulus. Response and animals our. Nervous systems are designed to help us they're designed to be a source, of decision-making. They're, designed to help us very quickly when you have an experienced figure out what is the source of that pain so we can avoid it in the future what is that source of that pleasure so we can have more of it in the future but. When we don't think things through when, we don't think things through in an empowering way we don't have faith that there's a higher meaning we. Tend to settle like animals for the lowest meaning that we can find well. This is happening because I'm a bad person this. Is happening because there's something wrong with me this, is happening because I'm just destined, to fail or worse. Very. Often in life we don't even consciously, think things through our nervous system just makes quick decisions. Every moment you're alive whatever you have a significant, amount of pain your brain says hey what is the source of this pain and it, uses three criteria I'm, sure you remember to determine. What the source of your pain is it looks for something that is happening about the same time you're having the pain that is unique because. After all you weren't feeling pain a moment ago you got pain now what's unique about this situation it, looks for something that is recent, something's happening about the same time you have the pain and, it also looks for something that is consistent something, that whenever you've had pain in the past this, has also been a factor, in that situation, let, me tell you how these three criteria can, help you you, go out one day when you're a child and you touch a hot stove you, feel some pain you pull it back your. Brain says okay what was unique to that moment, that gave me the pain it looks around us inside this burner right. And, says what was happening about the same time I felt the pain I was touching, this burner and what's. Consistent about it well maybe nothing until, you do it again after doing it two or three times or maybe one time does it hurt enough maybe one time is consistent, it's like when somebody says to you always, do that.you I don't always do that yes you do you always do it I've done it one time yeah but well that's always what. Human beings can make one time consistent.
If It's painful enough so. The bottom line is what do you learn your, nervous system learns you don't grab burners, now, you just don't do that and so in the future when you're trying to make a decision about what to focus on what things mean and what to do and you're going buy a burner one, of the options is not to go grab that baby just, for fun so. As basic, as this lesson is we. Feel to realize that this simple, system that, assists, us so much and making decisions, because it helps us discover what, is the source of our, pain or, our pleasure so we can avoid the pain gain the pleasure in the future this simple system can, be misguided or, misinterpret. Information, see. Here's, how it works so give you an example is doing a date with destiny only couple weekends ago um. Several, people are having major challenges, in their life and one lady just couldn't get herself to. Really have any meaning in her life and as I kept digging digging digging the real problem that she had is he felt lonely because she felt disconnected because, she wanted to have someone she could share her life with, but she couldn't get herself to do that why would you guess someone couldn't get themself to be able to share their life not. Hard to figure out is it pain. Person. Obviously as I guessed had a painful relationship. In the past which she had was, so painful, that she linked up in her head that marriage, she'd, had a previous one that was painful equals. Death, we're, gonna kind of keep you away from getting into closer relationship, right and, I don't her brain do that well she said she was in this relationship but was so great but, after they got married this man became physically, abusive verbally, abusive, he. Basically did, everything he could to control, every aspect of her life and the, worst thing of all when she finally got up developed the courage to divorce this man, he threatened dolly her life but, he also threatened, their own son's life, now. When that happens she got linked up marriage equals death to not only need a potential, loss of life of my child that's, even more than the loss of her own life for her well. It's not too hard to figure out that if your brain says why am i filming his ultimate, pain it looks for something unique and says well cuz I'm married and then, it looks around and says what was happening about the same time I felt the pain marriage, and, you say what was consistent, during the pain you go marriage, pretty, soon you can avoid marriage but it doesn't stop there her, brain also linked up that, the cause of her pain was something else two men, was. After all what, was unique I had this man around I was married to a man right. And then secondly, what else was going on well about. The same time I was feeling the pain I was with this man and, sure enough what, was recent this man right all the time I had the pain he was there every time so. Sure enough all of a sudden she's avoiding all men but. Didn't stop there she. Also linked up that the reason she thought this pain was because she trusted. So. As a result her brain linked up unconsciously. If, you trust, then. You will die. Now I would say to you the opposite, is true if you don't trust, if. You don't have faith then. You instantly, die internally. You may not die physically, but you die emotionally, because. Anything, that's worth living in life requires faith. It, requires trusting, it requires knowing that you can get out of the chair and walk on this floor and when you step out on the floor you don't stop and have to analyze can I do this and you, don't weigh everything and think about your weight and the structure, of the floor what's underneath that you just trust otherwise, you'd be immobilized you have to trust the drive a car you have to have faith to enter a relationship get, faith to start a business you, have to faith when all of a sudden somebody, this company says these 35,000. People are gone into. Faith that if you're one of those 35,000. That there is a better plan for you and that you will now act on that faith and take action, and find that better plan that better solution, for your life, you, must have that you.
Lose Trust you. Lose meaning when you lose meaning you lose your life, again. Maybe not physically but certainly emotionally and when, you lose it emotionally, the, physical, loss of life often is not that far behind, medical. Researchers are now proving, the, mind-body, connection is. Not some psycho, babble but a physical reality, that, the way we think in the way we feel about our lives affects, us physically, in, fact dr. Chopra recently shared with me that, there is a new study that was done in the state of Massachusetts. Where they began to study what causes someone to die of their first heart attack before. The, age of 50 where, they never get another chance I was, what was the number one risk factor they, wanted to know and they, assumed that what would cause them to die from just their very first heart attack never get another chance would be a person just had so much cholesterol in the body the body wasn't able to recover they, found that that was not the number one risk factor and. I thought well maybe that diabetes maybe it was more of a genetic factor they had once again disproved. That theory well, at the Department, of Health Education and, Welfare, for the state of Massachusetts states, in their article, clearly. Is the most important. Risk factor, to determine that you will die of your first heart attack and not get a second chance is what, they call job, dissatisfaction. You've. Got to have a deeper meaning for your life and now I'm on that grindstone, again, I'm on that treadmill no. Wonder most people life turn to alcohol or drugs or television. And even then they can't find something entertained themselves even then they don't sense any, fulfillment, this distraction, does, not create a life of significance. Distraction. Does not create joy. Distraction. Will not give you what you're seeking, drugs. Will not change, your life for. The better, right. What they'll do is hurt you they'll create pain and, there are all kinds of drugs anything. That doesn't expand, you as a human being or allow you to share more love and joy with others in a, natural, way that enhances your physiology, and your mind your emotions and, your spirit is something you probably don't need, you. Gotta grow you gotta expand, you got to contribute you've got to know that you're here for a purpose there are no mistakes there. Is a meaning, even if you haven't found it yet you must discover, it you. Know what for. Most people they don't just come through the meaning of their life until their life is over, what, a sad place to be or, until they have a life-threatening, illness, or, until somebody very close to them that they love is about to leave them, you. Don't have to wait for the pain to discover the meaning oh I, know why I found the purpose of my life you, decide, what it is you discover, it and you decide this is it for, maybe later on I'll refine, it I probably will, but for right now this, is why I'm playing the game of life this. Is what it's about every day if I'm just being this way if I'm just doing these kinds of simple things with other people with myself then I know I'm on track I know there's. A reason for my existence we. All have that I know. You know a story of Viktor Frankl right the manner up man's search for meaning here's. A man who's in a Nazi, concentration camp. With, pain everywhere around him knowing a knee moment he could be gassed or maybe spared, and a disparity, of the unique privilege of going out and taking. The dead bodies, out of those gas chambers, putting. Them in the big ovens talk. About intense and. Yet somehow in the midst of that pain he's found a deeper meaning the. Meaning was that even though he was in pain in the moment somehow. Someday, he would survive this and he would come to share the story so that this would never happen to other people in the future he, couldn't find a meaning in the moment he found a meaning in the future and for most of us the, meaning that we want for our lives is here today and it's preparing us for an even greater meaning in the future if we'll just use, all of our life's experience, the pain and the pleasure to.
Become More to. Prepare ourselves for whatever it is that our Creator has brought us here for to. Prepare, ourselves so that at the moment includes, where we are needed we will deliver and. My real belief is we're gonna be delivering all along the way it, isn't something that some day you're gonna do it's something new every day are doing. You. Know my former spouse Becky, just recently lost her father. And. It's. Been a tough time for her because in a very short period of time here she's lost both her mom and her dad and. That's. An event you cannot, control, and God. Knows we tried you. Know three years ago when they told us that father, had cancer they told us that he would die within a period of anywhere, from three to six months and we. Just did, not allow them to tell him that for, the obvious reasons, you know how odd I believe from all the people we've learned from from everyone from dr. Bernie Siegel to Norman Cousins dr.. Deepak Chopra, we. Understand, the mind-body, connection if someone decides that because, they have some dis-ease, in their body what it means is they're gonna die then of course they will, unfortunately. He never found out that diagnosis. And. All we did is we kept making sure he had a compelling, future, he. Had a sense of meaning a variety. Of things that he was needed, for it. Was amazing, how he physically, responded, only. A trip scheduled, for him to go to Fiji on which he went on and talked, about how we needed his help with our resort Aaron helping, some of the genes in the garden because the garden for him created so much meaning in his life was. About supporting, about nurturing about helping. Life along a little bit and. So he that he was excited about things we wanted to do with his grandkids, and we kept giving him compelling, futures and sure, enough three months went by he was healthy six months went by he was healthy a year went by and through. A variety of interventions pretty, soon he seemed to be better and tells just recently when we started getting phone calls from his neighbors he. Lived up in a place called Ram Colorado. A little, town with 14, people in it and he's, been a major part of for years and years and they, started cause to tell us but they didn't think he could take care of himself anymore so go, out and brought him back here, the. First few days he was in phenomenal, shape it was like he was completely restored being around the grandkids, and then, being in the environment he was all excited to share about things that are happening in his little town of RAM that he helped to create they're about all, about the calves that he helped to deliver and about, the planting season and, how, they helped people through the winter and some of the stories they'd been telling and he was just totally alive and.
We Took him to doctors for a series of tests, they, said they wanted to keep him overnight. The next day we called and I spoke to his main doctor, and he said it looks like he just has a foreign meningitis. So he said that'll be real easily treatable and he should be okay and he said duh so don't, worry he said we're just gonna do a series of more tests because he's a bit dehydrated he, lives in an altitude of about 11,500. Feet and. He's not drinking enough water and he said so you, know we're gonna run a couple more tests, he said next day he said but I think it'll be fine he said I have to go out of town and he said my you, know partner, doctor will be working with him so said I've passed on all the information, you can check in with him tomorrow, well. The next day Becky. Went to go see her dad and I was out doing a seminar and. I got a phone call on the phone call was that, they've done additional, tests, and that they found out that the cancer had spread throughout, his spine and into his brain and, while. It wasn't treatable, before when, they told us three years ago it's certainly not treatable now and, that. They thought he would die, within. Weeks the. Worst part was though that they also told us to him before they told it Becky so. He had no one there to support him through the process or. To give him other options, when. I found this out I became so angry with the doctors, just I focused. On how he'd violated what we asked them to do and how. The other doctor should have told his partner doctor, not to tell him yet to allow us to talk to him to prepare him for the situation, that was so harsh it was so unfair and the meaning, of it was that it was gonna really harm him but it all said he would give up hope and what. I wanted to do was lash out and fortunately I didn't lash out instead I started focused on what's happening, to see so what can I do so I went, to go see him and talk to him and it was unbelievable, he, looked like he just aged ten years in a day because. What happened, is he had no future there. Was no purpose in fighting, the pain or trying, to make things happen or. You know trying to tell stories, or do anything because after all you're gonna die anyway, soon and. That was kind of the way he was interpreting, it, sure, enough no matter what we said he just didn't seem to respond he's just seemed. To go into a total stupor, and. For the next day and a half or so he just sat in the corner and, he really didn't say very much or communicate, very much he just said enough to bother with him that he was fine he. Didn't open up emotionally I just. Sat down with him tonight I cried. And I told him how much I loved him and much, Becky loved him and how he, needed to share with us what he was really feeling because, then. Holding, that back wasn't keep protecting, us from pain was just felt separate from and then we met that he could choose how what this was gonna mean for his life that he the. Doctors had told us three years ago that he was gonna die on the matter of months then here. He was three years later I said what if you would have just sat around for three years in this little corner doing nothing because you thought you're gonna die any day or any week and, so that'd be pretty crazy on he started laughs but.
I Said look at this I said you can't just sit off in this corner hey you might die tomorrow you might die in six weeks you might die in six months in my die in six years you might die in ten or twenty years and really screw these people's brains up I said it, doesn't matter how, long you're gonna live on sky matters how are you gonna live while you're here I said, you've lived an incredible, life then. He in World War two you are a pilot you know you're. A businessman, now, you're this guy who's touching this little town up in Colorado everybody. Knows you and cares about you loves you because you love them I said. You braise these incredible, kids I said you, know if you're gonna go go out and style go. Out because you decided to go out and an energy that you want to where you really enjoy your life don't just shut down because, somebody told you life's over cuz you buy into it don't do it and. He said well you know Tony said the truth is I'm. Not afraid to die, he. Said everything he said is true he said you know my life has been so rich he. Says I feel like you know I've lived my purpose now. I look, around and I see my kids and I see what they're like is people and I see, what I've done and and. I think maybe it's time for me to go now, I said, listen if you're deciding to do that because you really want to go, as. That then you know I love you he said oh you know I come. I'm, gonna cry and I'm not gonna try and keep you here and not just because we love you I said. But at the same time don't leave because somebody tells you it's time to go he. Said well I said. Well it's time to go you'll know I said, you, can go consciously, you can decide whether the time you don't have to wait til the pain is so intense you can't stand it but. The same time don't go any quicker than your meeting is done I think right now you're teaching your family a lot, of new lessons. He. Said yeah that's probably true I said so what do you want to do how do you want to do things I see let's get your Fanny out of here let's get about, we. Have this great conversation and, talk about all kinds of things it will bore you the details but I love Marilyn you never ever worry about his daughter. She'd. Become the kind of person he could always be proud of, it. Was amazing because the next three, four five days he came to life all.
Of A sudden there was a purpose, and things again all of a sudden he was alive he'd. Go out by the pool and tell stories and so forth and he, went over to the Polo Grounds and did all kinds of just really great things and. Then I went away for a seminar and it came back two days later and, it. Was like he was gone. He's, having difficult time holding. Himself up, he. Had have round-the-clock care, for him, pretty. Soon he. Wasn't able to carry, on a conversation he. Would start. Talking gibberish, and start. Seeing things that were invisible and point to them, we. Did how the end was coming. And. As the end started to come there was more and more pain the tears. And. We. Felt at all and also at the same time reminded. Ourselves hey. We're. Making this thing but it's lost because if our short-term thinking, about this. Man in his body in his presence but his life will live on beyond, his physical, presence here, and. For him what it probably means his freedom finally, be free of the painful bodies been in for so many years, for. Him it's a chance to be with his. Wife Becky's, mom. Has, to be whether the loved ones. There was another meeting that could give you joy at the same time you're feeling pain and, so, we try to focus on those. And. One night I got home and I, was. Sudden I was called by, the nurse, she. Told me that Becky's, dad just passed away. And. Share with back. We. Cry and I talked in, the. Same time she felt incredible, sets a piece for him. It's amazing how instantly. How we felt could change just by changing what we focused on, more. Lost his game. - the feeling of joy for him to be free. We couldn't control the event but we could certainly, direct. Our own minds that. They can beyond ourselves to something deeper, it. Would be per meeting in life. I got. Back yesterday from calling. Becky up to this little town and ran Colorado. Well. Don I'd never been to before but you'd been there many times I got. A chance to see where Cecil lived and the impact he had you. Didn't really want a funeral he never liked people quote put on airs for anything. It's. A simple man. Simple. Values a simple. Mission. When. I got there I looked around and he never. Explicitly said, what the mission of his life was a purpose, of his life. But. In, a town of 14, people on we went out to this gravesite. To. Put his body into the ground and suddenly, person. After person started, showing up we. Knew all 14 people be there because we merely touched them all they all loved him he was the storyteller, it's. The man who took an old car years ago and painted it black and white but, a star on the side but. A dump in the inside of glasses made it look like a police car so, the people came running through this little town which consisted. About seven or eight buildings, that. They might slow down his. House was called the rand Yacht Club because he invited everybody up for coffee every single morning at least 300, days a year figured I could tell him a story and cheer him up he's. Surrounded a restaurant they were called the wires layer, the. Reason was because he had people who tell people stories and he. Tell the wildest, tales and get people to believe them sure. Enough after about 10 or 15 years began, to realize that some of these things were stories, and they, all laughed as they told me stories about this incredible, man who touched their lives when. We got to the gravesite not only did 14, people show up but this Old Town it's. Four, hours, outside of Denver people. Came from all over people. Came from my Oh me people came from Denver. Every. Said there were a hundred people at a gray site where there's not supposed to be a service. The. Honor of man had touched their lives. So. I said you know you don't have any formal service cuz that's not what he wanted but, before.
We Put his body in the ground as I am I like to say anything and, we. All talked about how he touched them. Their, life was greater because he was, such a loving small and. His smile a test for, that. His stories, attached. That just his manner that he was lover of people, and, animals. Because, he'd been in this town, their. Lives would never be the same people. Who come through the town just for a day it, says little Camus he, was a man who said if you can't say something nice about somebody don't say anything at all he never said negative word about anybody. In. Fact one man probably the most telling tale of this man's life, he, said cecil's a kind of guy so they sat down one day with him and said what are you doing about all those rodents, that keep stealing, all our animals are you poison in the Murray shooting him you're trapping him are you killing what are you doing because, they're taking all my stuff and, Cecil. Said and I said I just plant twice as much I. Thought. What a life what. A man. His. Life was his mission, his. Mission was, real simple love people, while the animals loved beings, make. The world a little bit better by just being nice. He. Lived a life of significance. One. That had mean. He, didn't go out and change everything on earth he, didn't make a billion dollars. He. Doesn't have people writing him up everywhere. And. He changed people's lives. And. He died in his sleep. Out. Of pain the. Day he decided to go. And. He created in his family. A greater sense of courage, to. Look at life in a new way and. A greater sense of dedication to, give even more. He. Added to our drive. He. Had at our commitment. To. Be givers in life. As. He was to any soul who had the privilege of coming across. His path. The. Help it also makes you think about what's most important, in your life I. Remember. An interview with Michael Hendon in, Life magazine, when he knew he was gonna go. He. Said quote somebody, should tell us right at the start of our lives that were dying. And. We might live life to the limit every.
Minute Of every day do. What I say whatever. You want to do do it now there, are only so, many tomorrow's. If. You and I are gonna live our lives fully then maybe sometimes, we can. Take the experiences, of those around us and learn from them, we. Can learn that when all of our lives were either warnings, or examples. Ceaseless. Life was an incredible, example he. Didn't think anything in life was insignificant. Not. A rodent, not. A flower and not an animal, not. A stranger. Passing through. He lived by a philosophy. But they also live in Fiji by the way Fiji was his favorite place the, last things he told me was that happiest, time his life last years were the trips he took the Fiji, mangas, cuz he felt like there everybody understood what he understood, the. Life is meant to be a happy, to be a joy to appreciate, the little things as well as the big things, appreciate. One another to be givers to be lovers of life I, say. To you that if you're driven by anything, other than your love and, your spirit, and your desire to contribute your, desire to grow and expand, if. You're driven by their. Need to please others, if you're driven by your fear if you're driven by your past. Maybe. It's time to free yourself and the way to do it is decide, decide. Consciously. What. You want your life to be about, decide. Consciously what's, the purpose your life something, simple, something. You can live every single day. And I think that I look. At people's lives and I see the people who are having so much difficulty, I think, the number one reason why people fail to experience. Joy and life experience, life as a win it's. Not because their life isn't the wind because the. Wind can be just reaching out and touching somebody, around you the. Wind can be just telling somebody that you love them the wind could be taking, care of your body God's. Temple, the, wind could be stopping and feeling grateful the wind could be anywhere you don't have to land on the moon to have the win and you can enjoy landing on the moon - how. Much better to enjoy the process, because. We're going to spend most of our life in process, towards the achievement of goals but. I'm not saying don't go do things and I'm not saying don't have grand schemes and dreams and you're not saying don't do those because our lives are better because people dreamed huge, dreams may need them happen but, I'm saying don't do it at the expense of, not appreciating. What's true along the way, and. The, Cecil's reminder service all those little things that are so so, important. And, we've always believed that important I feel like we've always lived that they're important but I just want to redouble the effort it's. Part of my commitment to him and I sell and his, honor I challenge, you to do the same I challenge. You to hold yourself to a higher standard, I challenge. You to realize, that you're here for a purpose there's, something, for you to do and be here, for yourself and for, others you can't just do for others not do for yourself or you won't be here so. This is, really designed to get you to ask yourself, are you being efficient, are you being effective, in your life there's. A big difference if. You're being efficient, then, what you're doing is you're doing. Things right, but. If you're being effective. You're, doing, the right things. Are. You doing the things they're gonna give you the most joy in your life why are you doing what you're doing and. Where is it taking you you. Know we all need to have what I call a code of conduct a set. Of standards, we hold ourselves to, every day about how we're gonna be is people, the kinds of states we're gonna live in cuz, it's out of those states, that we affect everyone around us just stop, and think about what's most important. Think. About why you're here, what's. The purpose your life step out of the moment and into eternity.
Think. About what's eternal, when you're feeling insecure. Start. To realize there is something inside of you that is, never-ending, if. There's something, inside of you that is unchangeable. And that's, the part of you that knows what is right what to do and why you're here. So. You know that may sound metaphysical. And they say no religious, or spiritual, call. It whatever you want but. Know that the bottom line is that you are here for a reason and, that, it's a special reason that only you know and it may be that you haven't found it that you're looking for something huge, and it. May be that you're living it right now you're just not appreciating. Your purpose, maybe. What you're doing right now is your life purpose this thing that you detest, most, or. Maybe what it is doing is giving you the challenge, to really discover, something within yourself that allow you to give and be more because. Life is about two things being, and doing how. Are you gonna be as a human being I mean ultimately our, destiny, is who do we become as people, and what do you do what do you contribute. That's. What it's about that's. What gives us a sense of fulfillment and a life of significance. It's. One of growth and contribution. It's one you decide what your life's about simply, I what are you here for here to live to learn to grow here, to love. Are you here for, I'm. Asking these questions I'm hoping you're thinking, not just listening, to me. What. Is the special, plan for you you've got to discover, the purpose of your life there is a plan there is something, here for you that's different than anybody else in the world that you've got to discover what it is and, the best way to discover it's just trust your instinct and say what is if it was simple as clear and I was living in today why am I here because, if you never discover your purpose how can you ever win the game of life how can you really enjoy it the early yeah, I look around at people so often they're so unhappy, and I think the reason is that they, don't ever win the game of life it's, a game they feel like they can't win like they're always losing, and the. Reason number one is I think there's seven reasons I'll give you 7 I've jotted some down you know I think number one is I think, most people never win the game of life they never feel fulfilled I never feel joy because. They don't know the purpose of the game because. If you don't know the purpose of the game what's your chances, of ever winning I've ever get to ring the bell feel that sense of fulfillment, or joy or passion, or love or whatever it is that you truly want at, the deepest level see. If you set himself to purpose the game you don't know the goal is pretty hard to set up your game to win isn't it pretty, soon you start pursuing, things that don't give you fulfillment, living. Somebody else's wife other than your own you. Gotta know what are you doing it all for what do you really want but ask most people this question what do you want they give me answers like well I know what I don't want I don't want to live this way anymore I don't want to feel like Alan evil whore that's, not gonna give you what you want what.
Do You really want. I want to finally be financially, secure so I can retire, great. You know statistics, about retirement. Actuaries. Is statistics, from insurance companies show, the, three years after a man retires, specifically. I'm using men guess. What happens he dies to. Retire is to die and, for some people this is like their major aim think. About it her, time is gonna make you happy you. Gotta have a purpose, you gotta know what it is you've got to decide, what it is at least for now know that that vision will continue to expand, second. Reason why most people fail the game called life cuz. Even though there's no the purpose of the game that got tons of rules about how it must be played. They. Don't even know the goal they got all these rules they gotta live by and only do they have rules for themselves but, they have rules for everybody else around them rules, for how their spouse should be rules about how their boss should be rules, from people they don't even know on the street should be you. Know it's so often like we get upset with other people and it's not about the other people it's about our rules they're doing something we know they shouldn't be doing or they're not doing something we know they should be doing alright, we need to just relax a little bit you need to realize that whatever people are doing they got a reason, may, not be a very intelligent reason, by our perspective, but who are we to say and. You know what and maybe it isn't an intelligent, reason by lots of people's ideas but you know what is a reason, I mean, it all comes down how do we wire ourselves, as human beings see. Whenever you see somebody you think they're doing something crazy, have, some compassion, are there any stupid, things you've never done in your lifetime or, crazy, I would hallucinate, based on my own personal experience answer, maybe you, betcha from. The bottom line is we, gotta understand, that things are going on that we don't understand with people I'm at one time I was talking to Stephen Covey about times, when we misinterpreted.
People's Behavior, and he told me about this time they got on the subway and, this man walked in and brought. On a bunch of his kids and they were just running rampant. Screaming, yelling making, noise creating, havoc, you, know Stephens more of a mellow centered, kind of guy he doesn't like the kind of environment, on the subway and the. Bottom line is you, know he didn't want to say anything but he found stuff getting more and more irritating the man seen he's just ignoring the kids like didn't even matter what they were doing so, he found himself on the point where he actually spoke up so, Steven turned him and said you know do you think you might want to do something about these children, and. The man looked at him and said oh you, know I guess I said huh he. Said we just got back to the hospital their mother just died he, said I just don't think they know how to deal with it quite. Honestly neither do I. He. Felt like absolute, garbage and. He. Said it made him from then on and realize whatever's, going on there may be something else going on as well I mean, a half compassion, gave him fewer, rules, for, other people, in his life not. A bad idea but, we were talking about people that don't succeed in life and I hope they succeed one, they don't know the purpose of the game - they've got tons of rules even though none of the purpose how'd you like to be in a game and, you're trying to win hey, you don't know the goal and you got a zillion rules you got to live by it'll, be pretty frustrating, wouldn't it why add step three to it here's the third reason people fail to win the game of life and that is because their rules are in conflict we've. Got all these different special. Rules where we contradict. Ourselves we're in one situation it's supposed to be one way and another situation is supposed to be totally different in order to be effective see, if you've got a bunch of rules in conflict, which most of us do you're, gonna have pain you're gonna have frustrations, in your life here's, the fourth reason why most people won't win the game of life because. Even when the person plays. By the rules they, don't always win, look, would you do everything right you don't always get rewarded, you, give your all you put your heart and soul on you do everything right and still sometimes it rains on your parade sometimes. You, know a storm comes down and beat the death out of your crop all, of a sudden you're in the Midwest and the flood comes and destroys all, you've worked on you. Know that kind of messes your brain a little bit you start saying hey you know why even try there's. No meaning this everything I do is for naught that's worthless, not. Realizing, there's a deeper meaning there's a meaning beyond the moment that, what's happening in this life right now this event you can't control whether it's the loss of a father as Becky has gone through and a father in law's I have or, this, loss of a business, or anything that seems to be a loss is a game if you ask yourself how can I use this what, else could this mean if I can't use it today how will I use this someday how, can I turn this into opportunity. How, can I make myself more how can I use this pain to sculpt my soul what. Can I do right now to move myself forward these are the kinds of questions or support you instead of loes me why me why this have to happen you'll never get an answer to those those, questions are leave you in an endless loop here's.
The Fifth reason why most people fail the game called life sometimes. You break the rules and you, win oh my, gosh you do something you know isn't right, you do something you know you shouldn't, do something that's against your own values, against your own way of doing things and you get pleasure and, your brain goes hey for. Maybe there's some new rules out here maybe I don't have to live by these rules after all when I work my butt off and did everything right and help myself this i standard, I got pain I break the room I got pleasure maybe this house really wired maybe out of this like take, a look at life being this way you know it does it, takes you away from your higher purpose it takes you away from what's most important, in your life and, while you might get pleasure in the short term you give, up that sense, of dignity within, yourself that says you're doing the right thing that's. What causes more people to fail with and I think almost anything else cuz the ultimate, pleasure in life requires, sometimes, short-term pain to get to it and. That ultimate, pleasures will you become what, you contribute, and, the experience of life that you have because, of that growth and contribution. The. Sixth, reason when most people fail the game called life is because in order to win this game you got to work with five and a half billion other people all have the wrong rules, they. Don't know the purpose of the game either and they are real clear that there are certain rules you must live by we. All have different rules because we've all learned different ways of getting out of pain and into pleasure in life you, got to learn from one another and. Finally the seventh reason why most people fail the game called life because. They think it's a life and death game and. You say well it is a life and death game well I'm the first person to agree that. This is not a practice, session this is the real thing that's what I gotta live it full-on but. If you think everything is life and death every moment you put so much pressure on yourself that you truly will live life you. Live in fear and that's no life at all how, do you live life and win the game well, in spite of all the stuff that sounds so terrible there are people that seem to be winning seem to be fulfilled seem to be making different seem to have a great deal of joy in their life and, they seem to have it consistently, and they're not doing it through drugs or alcohol or distraction, they're doing it through living a life of significance, how. They done it they do what we do in our date with destiny seminar, we accomplished seven things in that seminar and I bring it up because I hope you'll take the time and actually come we'll, get your purpose and your mission statement and your values, all in the exact order you ideally, need them to be so you're being pulled in touching you want sitting pulling multiple, directions but. For right now here's, what we do this is what we're gonna start doing on this tape it's, the first thing these people have to succeed or fulfilled, as they've decided what the purpose of the game is at least for right now if, you follow me on this they. Said okay I don't know what the purpose is ultimately but let me just decide for right now the purpose of my life as to what it's. The love and be loved us to grow it's to expand, us to make a difference do this is do that they come up with a purpose, which, is what I wants to do at the end this tape the start I know it's not the end all and be all for one tape but I want to get you started on a mission stick and a purpose statement for your life you, gotta have that if you don't at least have a target, you don't know what the goal of the game is you don't, know what to decide to do we.
Have All these choices all these opportunities, so you don't have to choose between something that's good and bad you have to choose between something that's good and something that's great but. If you don't know what your purpose is you don't know you value most of life you can't make an easy decision all, decision. Making is value clarification. If. You don't know where you're going then you can get there by any road you're. Not gonna know the difference and everything. Looks like great opportunity, one of the biggest challenges in life is choosing. Focusing. Your life deciding, what to spend your time on what to spend your energy on having. A clear purpose allows you to do that. Second, thing you want to do to make your life work and those who succeed, do this is, they have fewer rules the. More rules you have about how people, have to be and how life has to be for you to be happy the last happy you're gonna be see. You know the happiest people those people say you know every day above ground is a great day happiest. People that people find joy in a smile, so, an adventure, join, a simple, action if, you find joy in that area then all the big things are just a big bonus for you in your life so, when you find yourself starting, to react to something that someone else has done and. Then you might want to ask yourself how. Significant. Is this really, right, is this so bad is it okay for this person to have a different opinion a different view of different feeling than me in this area in, most cases you might say yeah it is what, would you have to believe in order to be upset that everybody has to live by your rules well, maybe in some areas that's real important you maybe some of theirs it's not a significant, you just let go of it have a lot less pain the. Third thing that people win, the game of life seem to have in common is.
They've Made their rules consistent. They, found the conflicts, in their life when they find them they'd been honestly something say this is a total contradiction of what I normally believe, in other areas no more there's now I'm going to live my life, for. Thing these people do that make them succeed as they. Give themself pleasure whenever, they win even when the world doesn't this. Is really important, you gotta realized sometimes you'll do everything right you won't get acknowledged so what acknowledged yourself, you, got to catch yourself doing little things right and give yourself, the pleasure you deserve after, all if somebody else tells you hey great job and that makes you feel good it's, nothing saying great job that makes you feel good it's when they say great job you stop and, say oh that means I get to feel good and you send a little neurotransmitter. Little all yourself to feel the pleasure feeling, in your body why not just give it to yourself so, that you keep yourself on track so you're always reinforcing. Good behaviors, excellent, behaviors commitments. To your highest values. Fifth, thing these people have in common is when they screw up when they don't do things right when they violate their, own values, they, violate their own sense of purpose and life they give themselves a short burst of pain they say this is not who I am I stand for more they, don't wait to the world I have to give them pain that's why they're on track, the. Sixth thing that these people that win have in common is that, they know that, everybody, life has different rules and so when they get in a relationship with people they know they've got to have other people in my life to help succeed, in particular, area they try to find out their rules, because, if you know it's most important, to people you know what their rules for life are what their musts are in life it's, a lot easier and lastly, people who succeed a life they've. Learned that life has a purpose but they also at the same time don't take life too seriously, they don't take themselves too seriously. What's. That old funny metaphor, why do angels fly because. They take themselves lately. First, the, bottom line is we've got to look at life in a different way now, with all this conversation we've had here about purpose, what are you and I gonna do right now so that you have a greater sense of meaning but one is I don't need you just go out and create this grandiose purpose, and, write pages and pages and pages I think that the simplest, things can be the most powerful things so. If you can now close, your eyes and think about, what you want to be when you're gonna grow up go. Back to a time when you're 5 6 7 8 9 10 years old but, you want to be back then. What. You want to do who are your role models and. Why did you want to be that. Think, about it just for a second your head as I'm saying this it might be want to write a few these things down in fact pretty soon you're definitely gonna want to write things down so might. Be good to stop the tape right here and just think about what your purpose is and pull out a piece of paper and a pen or a little computer and let's work together on this for a second what, were some of the things you wanted to be when you were growing up when, you're a little kid I remember, one of the first things I wanted to be was an archaeologist. Now. Whatever you wanted to be here's the question I want to ask you why. Did you want to be that in. Other words what was the feeling, you were hoping to get from that what were the sensations. What were you wanting to be and do what we wanted me get from that when.
I Think back on I think about what I really want to be as an archaeologist. Is I wanted, to discover, things and that was the biggest thing I want to discover things that had not been asked ever before something new something unique something different, and I wanted to share that with people I wanted to be a person. Who went out discovered, and then shared that discovery, with others and. You know it's interesting, I'm doing that today. I'm, just not sticking my head in the sand and doing it I'm doing it by sticking my head in other people's brains and find out what makes them tick and what find out what makes me tick and then sharing some of that but. That that feeling. That, same feeling that I wanted then I found a way to do it today in a new way the. Side challenges, think about what was it you really wanted from that, then, think of something else you wanted to be when you're growing up I wanted to also be a police artist later on remember that you know those guys that draw those pictures you know and, show people and catch the bad guys and why. Did I want to do that what I want to get from them oh gosh. Thought about it while uh I wanted to create I wanted to be creative, and and. I wanted to help people I wanted, to help people do the right things I wanna be father payment, I wanted to catch bad guys but most importantly I wanted to create and help people and. Guess what I found a way to do that today different than I originally thought but the same purpose, is there now. Maybe it's not the same purpose for you for all the things you want to do maybe they, have a common, thread or maybe they're different threads that are important, what. Else did you want to be when you're growing up and why did you want it what feelings, did you hope it would give you what. Did you hope would come from it think, for a second. I'll. Give you another one in mind while you're thinking try, and trigger you also. Want to do well I wanted, to definitely, be a rock star I, wanted. To be able to entertain people to change their emotional, states to, use my voice in my face in my body to, give people more passion, in their lives and I found another way to do that plus, I get to work with some of these people the other day I got a chance to go to the Aerosmith, concert I, kind of grew up listening to those guys and. I found out the Steven Tyler and some of these guys they're fans of mine as well went, backstage and I met Tim Collins who's, their manager, and he told me a phenomenal. Story so that years, ago in the early 80s, when Aerosmith, was in really bad shape the, guys were hooked on heroin and they, were losing everything financially. And the group had broken up that he decided he's gonna turn it around and he read two books Think. And Grow Rich and a little book called unlimited, power and he said that what he learned there gave him the inspiration and, some of the tools and strategies that, get himself off heroin, and coke and they, need a group intervention, and help the other guys do the same and, these guys are now on a mission they're totally, clean they're, everything on water drinking, guys that are out there sharing. Their rock and roll on their message and they're doing health bullet-like, a chance to meet Steven Tyler, is just an incredible, guy when, these guys have been touring for 23, years giving, them all passionately.
Everyday Feel, like they're brothers, and it was really interesting cuz he said you know I watched on TV all the time I feel like we'll walk on the same path you know and he said I listened to your tapes he said we'll really have the same mission so, you know do you think you'd get together us and do a gig for us what do you mean he's like you know the guys on the weekend did, you maybe like do your gig for us so we can all participate on, weekend, as their, a laugh and I pinch myself I sound cool now I get to do a gig for Aerosmith I'm not out there rock and rollin but sort of I am I'm working with the rock and rollers there's fun so my point is maybe you're, not doing what you originally envisioned. But. Maybe you'll find a way to do it even better if you have some faith maybe. If you keep developing yourself and you know at least the emotion, you want the contribution. You want to create just find a better way most importantly, before, you can find a way you got to know the essence, of what it is you really want what is that purpose that's what I'm really asking you about. Now. With your eyes closed again think. About a situation in your life